Sexuality based OCD

[Ubuntu1]

I’m a 25 year old male and was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 12. Right now I'm going through massive spike and it's related to sexuality. Ever since puberty I have been extremely turned on by women that wore thongs or g strings (underwear) . Like on a scale of 1 to 10 I might find a girl attractive but if she wore thongs too then it would make the attraction a 10. I never really thought much about it until recently and I have become greatly concerned about this. I have been reading online about how fetishes are a type of mental disorder that needs treatment and it has been giving me a lot of anxiety and causing a huge spike in my OCD . I have almost been trying to convince myself lately that I don’t like my fetish and have been trying to bury my feelings. I can “get off” to other things besides my fetish now if I try but it still makes me feel like all these years I’ve had a terrible mental illness. I have been researching for the last several years about fetishes and have found that fetishism is a subset of paraphilia. Well paraphilias include everything from bdsm to even bestiality. It gives me a lot of anxiety to even be considered in the same class as something like bestiality in terms of them both being a “paraphilia” . it sickens me and I feel gross. I almost feel like I want to die cause I wasn’t born normally. I feel like I have a major problem and it isn't just OCD this time.

 

[Natasha0717]

I don't know what 25-year-old guy wouldn't be attracted to or even obsessed with women wearing thongs. Why do you think women wear them in the first place? It's because they know it will attract men. Some women will even go as far as wearing low-cut pants at the waist just to reveal the top of their thong. Please stop beating yourself up for being a young, normal guy. You don't have an obsession, you have a preference. I think the only OCD going on here is you being obsessed with the thought that you have some kind of strange fetish involving thongs, and OCD thrives on guilt. You are trying to make yourself 'guilty' for feeling normal things that all straight guys feel at your age. Looking back, all the things I regret doing and feel guilty about now, even when the thoughts become OCD thoughts because they like to creep up on me and make me feel guilty, over and over and over again....were all the things I had done in my 20's. I have strange "preferences" too, even now...some of them I will share....I like guys who are a little overweight, like if they have a cute little beer-gut. Why? Who cares. I like guys and even fall in love with guys who look like and remind me of my brother who passed away 2 years ago. That one, I don't understand. These things don't have to make sense. And always remember this saying, I have it on a board hanging on my wall. I got it when I fell madly in love with a guy who reminded me of, looked like, spoke like, dressed like, and was almost identical to my deceased brother: "The heart knows reason, which reason does not know."

Nobody is normal. And nobody is born normal. If it seems like they are, then they just happen to be great actors.
YOU ARE FINE.

 

[Ubuntu1]

I don't know what 25-year-old guy wouldn't be attracted to or even obsessed with women wearing thongs. Why do you think women wear them in the first place? It's because they know it will attract men. Some women will even go as far as wearing low-cut pants at the waist just to reveal the top of their thong. Please stop beating yourself up for being a young, normal guy. You don't have an obsession, you have a preference. I think the only OCD going on here is you being obsessed with the thought that you have some kind of strange fetish involving thongs, and OCD thrives on guilt. You are trying to make yourself 'guilty' for feeling normal things that all straight guys feel at your age. Looking back, all the things I regret doing and feel guilty about now, even when the thoughts become OCD thoughts because they like to creep up on me and make me feel guilty, over and over and over again....were all the things I had done in my 20's. I have strange "preferences" too, even now...some of them I will share....I like guys who are a little overweight, like if they have a cute little beer-gut. Why? Who cares. I like guys and even fall in love with guys who look like and remind me of my brother who passed away 2 years ago. That one, I don't understand. These things don't have to make sense. And always remember this saying, I have it on a board hanging on my wall. I got it when I fell madly in love with a guy who reminded me of, looked like, spoke like, dressed like, and was almost identical to my deceased brother: "The heart knows reason, which reason does not know."

Nobody is normal. And nobody is born normal. If it seems like they are, then they just happen to be great actors.
YOU ARE FINE.

I think my OCD wants to know for sure whether or not I have an actual fetish that can be diagnosed. What is causing me so much anxiety is the fact that sexual preferences / fetishes etc are said to be innate ie they can't ever be changed. Therefore if I do turn out to have something bad I might as well be dead because you can't change it. The all or nothing feeling of either I am sexually normal or sexually abnormal is the question my brain keeps trying to answer. I mean technically I do appreciate other things but my fetish/preference is a major turn on and always has been. My brain says that's not quite normal as in most people don't have a particular thing that really turns them on

 

[Natasha0717]

Again, your OCD is messing with you by making you feel afraid that you might have a fetish...and so is your anxiety (which is behind the OCD.) People with true fetishes go out and do anything they can to find the particular fetish that attracts them so much, and then they go ahead and enjoy the heck out of it. Tell me something, do you have posters of women ONLY wearing thongs hanging all over your walls, do you randomly walk around stores and public places in search of women wearing thongs for that purpose only, and do you have an entire drawer filled with thongs that are either yours or thongs that you have collected from various women? If the answer is no, then you do not have a fetish. A person with a fetish enjoys their fetish for a very long time, wayyyyyy before they even seek any kind of treatment (if they even do, usually a concerned family member forces them to.) They even find other people with the same fetish so they can enjoy it together. They do not walk around feeling guilty or worried that they might have a fetish or ask on a discussion board about it. They are too busy with, involved in, and distracted by their fetish. There are guys out there your age that are looking at porn 24/7 right now and they don't even give it a second thought. And I'm sure they are seeing A LOT more than women in thongs.

Now, to address your OCD about this. You are giving the OCD exactly what it wants: YOUR ATTENTION. The second you simply quit caring about this (I know it's difficult,) is the second it will disappear. Whenever you get the thought, "I am so worried I have a fetish that I don't even want to live," you need to replace that thought with, "So, I am really attracted to women who wear thongs. Well, I'm a guy. And women in thongs are sexy. So this is normal."
Oh, it probably won't work the first few times, but you need to no longer make this a priority or even an issue anymore. I can tell just by your post that your are a decent guy without a fetish. If you weren't, you would be PM'g me and asking me to send you photos of me wearing a thong. THEN I would know you have a fetish.

And that's it. The more you keep obsessing about this and researching about whether this is a fetish or not, or trying to compare yourself to other people who suffer from TRUE (and even dangerous fetishes).. the more you are giving the OCD the fuel it needs to keep going on and on with this, and making you feel like a terrible person. (That's what it wants.) Take its fuel away, and it will stall like a car that can no longer go anywhere. Stop driving this crazy car that is driving you crazy in the process. You don't deserve to feel this miserable, because you haven't done anything wrong. You simply are attracted to women who happen to wear a particular item of revealing clothing. I see no crime in that.

Stop this now.

 

[Ubuntu1]

Ok thank you for the help Natasha. I guess the only way forward is to not try to answer whether or not I have an actual fetish. If I do, maybe it's not the end of the world and there is probably treatment anyways and if I don't then great. As for the scenarios you mentioned it never was that extreme or anything, maybe due to the fact that I was put on an SSRI at a young age (14) ,maybe not. However it was a big big turn on when I was younger but I won't try to answer the "what if". I mean at the end of the day it doesn't really matter, I can logically see that it would be tame even if it got to the fetish level etc. I need to just deal with the anxiety and not feed into it.

 

[Natasha0717]

No prob. I have done my fair share of "beating myself up" over things like this ^....you have no idea how many times I've admitted all kinds of things to my poor Mom, Dad, even Grandma. They would all say the same thing, which was, "Oh, who cares. Stop focusing on this nonsense." What they didn't know was, how difficult it was for me to admit these things to them. It was so embarrassing, I could feel my face turning red as I was telling them the things I was feeling so guilty about. But I had no choice. The thought (and guilt attached to it) + the OCD that wouldn't allow me to forget about it were all just so strong, I had to let it out...because it was just eating away at me from the inside, and I couldn't even eat, sleep, or do anything except feel guilty. Once they would tell me to just let it go, I would. It was finally released, because I had admitted it, (as difficult as that was) and put it onto somebody else. Once they gave me clearance ...I could finally move on without this awful thought following me around and making me feel like I was a terrible, disgusting person. But then in a couple months, I would always come up with something else, even stupid things I had done years ago....and then I would again need to start admitting things. So I can spot this behavior a mile away when I see somebody else doing it. And I hate to see somebody else doing it, because I know how it can make you feel so sick inside. It's a mind that wants you to be good and perfect, with no flaws or "sins." This is all part of anxiety, OCD, and guilt. Glad I've helped you somewhat. Now go out there and live.

 

[Ubuntu1]

Natasha, I do recall as a kid being aroused in the lingerie section of the store and looking at lingerie catalogues, maybe this is how it all started. Either way I control it now so I don't think it matters whether I really did or even still do have a fetish. I can say however that what you said about a true fetish spiked the heck out of me ( not your fault). No I didn't have posters on the wall, drawers full, etc etc but my preference was something that I always liked when I was younger ALOT. I'm trying to fight back against this because OCD is playing a big part of it right now I can feel it. I know this is probably reassurance seeking right now I'm sorry. Basically what my brain is saying is that if I do turn out to have a true fetish then that is the end of the world because I would be a criminal and might as well be locked up, which is my ultimate fear

 

[Natasha0717]

Okay, but let's just say (for now) that it is a true fetish for thongs or lingerie.....how would that make you a criminal? Criminals rob banks, torture helpless children and animals, and commit murders. Liking the way a thong looks, whether a woman is wearing one or not, IS NOT A CRIME. It's not even close to being a crime.

 

[Ubuntu1]

The logical part of my brain can see that it's not that big of a deal even if I have a true fetish. But OCD is making me feel like this is the most important issue that I have to address right now. Like I feel it's a life or death scenario when youre in the middle of spiking with anxiety

 

[Natasha0717]

The logical part of my brain can see that it's not that big of a deal even if I have a true fetish. But OCD is making me feel like this is the most important issue that I have to address right now. Like I feel it's a life or death scenario when youre in the middle of spiking with anxiety

Anxiety (and guilt) are definitely behind it, and they don't want you to forget about it. I don't know why we hang onto such things, I'm still trying to remember where I spent some money and if it was my own or money that I was saving, and what I bought, and I really don't remember, and wishing I had the receipt so I could track exactly what I spent that day, but of course I don't. This was wayyy back in the summer, too. Knowing I don't have the receipt is just enough for my mind to bother me about it. I know all I have to do is put the exact amount back into the money box and it would all be even again, but still, my mind wants me to remember...and it can't....and that's what it likes, so I will keep going around and around in a circle with it instead. So what I do now is, just let it sit there in my mind, sometimes it will flare up, but I "keep it" and let it sit there, and I find other stuff to do. Otherwise, it will just consume me. Heck, I've even tried talking to my Mom about it, and all she said was, "NO, I told you those little things don't matter, so stop." So I guess that's it then.

 

[Ubuntu1]

Oh my gosh I've had stuff like that happen to me too. Looking back I can tell I've always had OCD like tendencies. The first time I really noticed it was probably when I was around 11 years old and would always check and keep checking that I had all my books for school together and that I didn't leave any at home. Then I would keep checking my daily planner to make sure that I didn't forget to do a homework assignment. I never really knew at the time that I had OCD until my anxiety spiked around 14 years of age and I had to get treatment because I couldn't eat and was throwing up a lot from the anxiety. I know exactly where you are coming from, that's the thing about OCD, unless you are a sufferer you don't understand the sheer terror that you can go through sometimes it's probably the worst feeling in the world. Almost like mental torture

 

[janemariesayed]

I’m a 25 year old male and was diagnosed with OCD at the age of 12. Right now I'm going through massive spike and it's related to sexuality. Ever since puberty I have been extremely turned on by women that wore thongs or g strings (underwear) . Like on a scale of 1 to 10 I might find a girl attractive but if she wore thongs too then it would make the attraction a 10. I never really thought much about it until recently and I have become greatly concerned about this. I have been reading online about how fetishes are a type of mental disorder that needs treatment and it has been giving me a lot of anxiety and causing a huge spike in my OCD . I have almost been trying to convince myself lately that I don’t like my fetish and have been trying to bury my feelings. I can “get off” to other things besides my fetish now if I try but it still makes me feel like all these years I’ve had a terrible mental illness. I have been researching for the last several years about fetishes and have found that fetishism is a subset of paraphilia. Well paraphilias include everything from bdsm to even bestiality. It gives me a lot of anxiety to even be considered in the same class as something like bestiality in terms of them both being a “paraphilia” . it sickens me and I feel gross. I almost feel like I want to die cause I wasn’t born normally. I feel like I have a major problem and it isn't just OCD this time.

You are not abnormal in any way because you like it if your lady wore thongs. We all have different things that please us and get our sexual chemistry working. Don't let it concern you as it is not a mental disorder. It is a preference and it is a clean preference, it isn't bestiality which in my mind is wrong. Some men like women in suspenders, some like to dress up and some like to use tools. A woman in thongs, turns you on, and I think that is healthy. I bet, if you could had 100 girlfriends, and if you gave each of those 100 girlfriends a thong as a present to spice up your physical relationship, then I bet that 98 of those women would absolutely love that present and the idea behind it.