People trying to flirt with you

Discussion in 'Social Anxiety Disorder' started by Kaynil, Dec 16, 2016.

  1. Kaynil

    Kaynil Member

    I've never been able to relax when this happens to me. I just overthink things and flirting back is not a natural response.

    When I don't know the person I don't want to encourage further flirting and it can be creepy. I am always paranoid the worries will attempt to do something against my will as I don't know them or how impulsive, short fused they can be. Fortunately, that type of experiences hasn't been often at all.

    I have more trouble with people that are acquaintances because I already care of the impression they have of me. I don't want them to stop talking to me so I don't want to be rude but I still don't want to encourage them. I just never have felt comfortable being flirted, except with the person I am in a relationship. Being just with that person I can sometimes surprise myself on that department.

    So it is a weird experience and I was wondering if anyone here can relate with this, feeling uncomfortable, overthinking and not knowing how to react when someone flirts with you.

    If you can't relate and find it easy, maybe you can give us some insight or new perspective to ease us into it.
     
  2. Alex

    Alex Senior Member

    This is a tough one, because it depends on the person themselves. Some people are naturally jealous for no reason, and an ex of mine always thought I was flirting with other men when I smiled at them. Then there are women who think you are flirting with their men, when all you are doing is chatting in a social environment such as a party.

    All I would say it to be aware of others reactions, no touching, and to take a bathroom break or something if you feel uneasy. When people flirt with me and I'm uneasy, I make an excuse to do something and usually when I get back the moment has passed. It doesn't have much to do with age, but more personality and insecurity.

    The ultimate thing is that fine line when it goes past a friendly banter to maybe wanting to know someone on an more intimate level. Flirting is often that fine line you choose to go over or to back away from.
     
  3. Natasha0717

    Natasha0717 Active Member

    I have no problem at all flirting with guys when they flirt with me first. I mean, as long as they are cute or semi-cute. No creeps, I refuse to flirt with guys much older than me or the ones that just have that "look in their eyes" and you know they could be potentially dangerous. I even have a "mean look" that I use on this particular group....I've practiced it before, and it must be a pretty mean, intimidating look...because it does seem to scare guys off whenever I choose to use it. :punch::D

    Now, when there's a guy that I like a lot and he doesn't flirt with me first, I have SO MUCH trouble coming up with things to say or even attempting to flirt with him. It's like I can't be myself or something, I guess because I get overly-focused on how I'm acting and I end up saying [probably] stupid things. And then when he doesn't flirt back..... oh boy. :grumpy::rolleyes:
    But I keep trying....even if I wait a few days before going back. Because when I see someone I want, I usually don't give up. And I usually get them. But I also don't make a fool of myself in the meantime, I know when to back off and not scare the guy away by looking too eager. Guys hate that. Or so I've read. :happy:
     
    Decentlady and misszerable like this.
  4. Jester85

    Jester85 New Member

    When people try to hit on me, I'm either oblivious, or else it scares me and I run away, basically. I find it very intimidating and kind of overwhelming. Plus I have social anxiety and am socially awkward in general, so I'm not very good at the whole flirting "scene". I kind of freeze up and make them think I'm disinterested.
     
  5. janemariesayed

    janemariesayed Junior Member

    If someone finds another person attractive then I don't think it's a problem for them to flirt. Sometimes flirting isn't even about fancying someone, it can just be meant in a lighthearted way. Saying that, though, I'm not keen on being flirted with if I don't fancy the guy. If that happens with me I tend to make my excuses and walk away. Then I would probably just ignore them.

    I remember I was eating my lunch in a pub and a man asked if he could have a chat with me. I agreed but then another man came over and the first man started to tell him that I was his girlfriend. I was absolutely horrified as my thoughts were that they would all believe him. The thought of being his girlfriend disgusted me because I didn't fancy him. I told the other man the truth straight away and never went back to that pub again.

    Maybe it would have different if I did fancy the man, but for some time now I've not been interested in a relationship at all. My head is too mixed up at this time, and I've had enough of relationships that don't work out. I know it's something I need to work on, but due to my depression, I just can't be bothered. Flirting with someone can make that person feel good about themselves, but for me, I would rather not have the embarrassment.
     
  6. Jester85

    Jester85 New Member

    Yea a stranger just trying to "claim" you as his girlfriend is definitely presumptuous and kind of creepy. Some people have no sense of boundaries or how to appropriately show interest in someone.

    I get a freeze or flight instinct when someone tries flirting with me. I literally don't know how to react. Plus I'm at a loss as to how to make small talk, so they quickly decide I'm not interested and move on to better prospects elsewhere.
     
  7. misszerable

    misszerable Junior Member

    I've just been through a traumatic relationship and am not looking forward to having one in the near future, or may be even for the rest of my life. A few guys had tried to flirt since then, but I've learned to just ignore the act and put up a serious, professional appearance most of the time. I hate it when a guy is obviously flirting and I tend to react negatively to it, which ultimately turns the guy off. So yes, I'm quite cool at keeping them at bay. :D For me, most men who flirt openly are masters of the game and are just that - flirts. Hah! Which brings me to this 19-year-old boy who's been flirting with me at my weekend class. He is definitely cute and I am so flattered...:shy: but I have to slap myself and call him 'son'.
     
  8. MeowsePad

    MeowsePad Junior Member

    I often don't even realize when people are flirting with me because I am usually wrapped up in worrying about whether or not others are judging me. My mom sometimes points out to me that people are flirting with me, but I just don't recognize it.
     
  9. Decentlady

    Decentlady Member


    That's so me! Flirting comes naturally to me but with only those people that I am comfy with. As in good looks and clean intentions. I don't encourage the creepy lot. Infact I give a clear indication that I am all NO with them.

    I find most guys relax around me and flirt in return. There was this one guy that I had crush on and oh boy he was so Flirt-me-not type! He did not even know what a smile was. Eventually, I taught him how to flirt back lol:p:smuggrin:

    Life is fun when you flirt in your comfy zone with no under currents.
     
  10. Snapdragon

    Snapdragon New Member

    If a stranger begins flirting with me, or asks me out, I instantly become overwhelmed and go in to fight, flight or freeze mode. Before I even think about it I'll reject them or excuse myself to get away, often leaving people wondering what the hell just happened.
    Fortunately though, people rarely flirt with me, or at least, not that I've noticed.

    As for friends, well, even if I like them back I get very awkward. I may even get passive-aggressive as I don't always take compliments well and start to get paranoid that maybe they're messing with me. I have very low self-esteem, so I'm wary when people tell me they like me because all I can think is "if I don't like me, how can you?"
     

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