Panic disorder and marriage

[Concernedgal]

I'm need advice. Today my husband and I were heading to town I had felt anxiety symptoms previous to the trip . When I got in the car .. I lasted 5 minutes and had a panic attack. I forced my husband to turn around and come back home. We fought about it. It had me thinking.. should I stay and keep putting him through this or should I leave and let him go? I love my husband and I don't want to let him go but, I can't force him to suffer for my problems any longer. I've had this problem for 15 years. I never learned to drive due to my fear of being in a car. He has to do all the driving in the relationship. I don't want to be this way . And I don't want to to keep being this way towards him. He deserves better than having to deal with someone like me. I know I need to learn how to drive but, I have panic attacks in a car. I just do. Would you stay or would you go?

 

[Alex]

If you love each other you can make it work. Maybe he should try a counseling session with you so he fully understands what you are going through. It was only when my brother saw me 'harming' myself subconsciously he actually took notice and realized the issue was real and he changed how he behaved.

Now bear in mind he has known me all of his life and that we were sharing a flat when I ill, so it was weird for him to see me differently. In terms of triggers, perhaps if your counselor has figured them out, maybe some of them can be shared with your husband so he help you to avoid them or what to do when an attack is imminent?

 

[Concernedgal]

I sure wish that there was a virtual reality program to give the people that you love and care about an actual look at what's it's like to actually be in a panic state for no good reason. And that's just what ticks me off about the whole thing. "There'sno good reason for it". He apologized today. And said that he wasn't angry at me. He's angry that he can't fix this. As i've mentioned a couple of times in this community. . My main trigger is being in a automobile, a type of claustrophobia if you will. He said that the actual technical term is " amaxaphobia " . I have this fear because I have most of my panic attacks occur in an automobile. So everytime I get in a car , I anticipate another attack. Because history dictates that I will. That's why he'strying to get me to cooperate in the CBT treatment. He want me to change the way I think about my anxiety. He wants me to realize that they are just symptoms, they will not kill you. If I recognize it for what it is then things will start to get better for me. Maybe 1 day the CBT pay off. Fingers crossed. Lol.

 

[Alex]

I'm sure it's hard for your husband too, and when people don't understand but try to I can only admire them. Honestly, you don't want your loved one to know how it feels, but that's why people who do know can empathize more.

If you do know your triggers, is there a reason why you are afraid in automobiles? Perhaps that is something you can look to find out about with your therapist?

 

[Ellen]

I also have a terrible hard time in a car. Thankfully I live just two miles from my grocery store "strip mall". I get anxious in the car and it is a big deal to go someplace. My husband usually drives, but I am just as anxious being a passenger. I will usually wear sunglasses to help dim the area, have something small to read, something to keep my hands busy in the car - even straightening out my purse. I can not go on long drives and I am terrified of the highway. I feel like I do not have any control while I am in a car because of the other drivers. I feel like "its not my driving - its other people I have to watch out for" -- like cell phone users, etc.

 

[Concernedgal]

I have a kit. It contains dramamine, a snack , a drink . The sunglasses offer a comfort to me . It's almost as if the sun intensifies my anxiety. I'm so glad I met someone else who gets the sunglass thing. Is it also weird that I like being in a car more on a cloudy rainy day?

 

[janemariesayed]

You have to stay of course! This is no reason to leave a marriage. You both swore an oath together, for better or for worse. In sickness and in health? He would be devastated to lose you. Try to be a bit calmer with your Husband and you will see that he is responsive. We are all naturally responsive. If someone were to shout at us, we tend to shout back. If we talk to someone quietly, then we can also trigger a quiet response from them. He understands you to a degree, and that is a bigger degree than most people in your life due to the time you have been together. He is your biggest asset towards healing. Good luck.

 

[Concernedgal]

You have to stay of course! This is no reason to leave a marriage. You both swore an oath together, for better or for worse. In sickness and in health? He would be devastated to lose you. Try to be a bit calmer with your Husband and you will see that he is responsive. We are all naturally responsive. If someone were to shout at us, we tend to shout back. If we talk to someone quietly, then we can also trigger a quiet response from them. He understands you to a degree, and that is a bigger degree than most people in your life due to the time you have been together. He is your biggest asset towards healing. Good luck.

What of he's the reason though? You of course k ow my past history of abuse from my father. I don't know how to trust with my heart and soul. I think he's knows that and it frustrates him. I just expect him to hurt me. Like my father did.

 

[Ellen]

I have a kit. It contains dramamine, a snack , a drink . The sunglasses offer a comfort to me . It's almost as if the sun intensifies my anxiety. I'm so glad I met someone else who gets the sunglass thing. Is it also weird that I like being in a car more on a cloudy rainy day?

With the sunlight - if it is in the trees - and the branches make it like.....bright,dim, bright, dim, you know what I mean? it almost seems like a strobe effect to me - I panic, think my vision is going, I am having a stroke. When the sun goes thru the branches while you are driving, it seems to flash the sunlight for me, makes me very anxious. I prefer to be in a car on a cloudy day. No rain for me though - that scares me that the car will skid and crash. I can only be a passenger in sunny or cloudy weather. Having a car kit is a good idea. I thought I was the only one who packed snacks and water!

 

[Concernedgal]

Hello ellen. It sure is good to know I don't suffer alone. I think it's because panic and anxiety and stimulates like the sun don't mix.. because it's a stimulate. There have been bright sunny days where i've had to bury my head and hide it it was so bright . For some reason , summer sun is brighter than any other season. I always experience blurred vision if it's too bright. Had my eyes checked, they say they are fine. I get invited to the lake or an outdoor event but, I can't go because it's too bright outside. Has your sensitivity to light ever stopped you from outdoor events?

 

[Decentlady]

It must be hard to see what you as a person can put your better half everytime you get the attack. However, it is something that you don't have control over.

Good news is, it doesn't have to be permanent. There are ways that can slowly help you change the links way you think. Remember, its all in your mind. The changes donot happen overnight but you have to have patience. When your husband starts to see that you are making an effort towards overcoming your lanic attack he will appreciate you more and be even more supportive.

Talking helps. See if you join for counselling sessions. They help a lot. Infact if you could go along with your husband that would be even better.

While in car keep chanting like a mantra: We are going to be safe. It helps staying focused.

If you love him stay with him. An illness is never a reason to leave your loved ones. Much love to you.

 

[Concernedgal]

I wasnt like this when we got married. I have no right to do this to him. I just want him to be happy.

 

[Decentlady]

I wasnt like this when we got married. I have no right to do this to him. I just want him to be happy.

Diseases are unpredicatable and they can come anytime. A mental disorder is nothing different from getting say a blood cancer long after marriage. Even a 7 day viral disease can vex a person so please realise that being unhealthy isn't a reason to break a marriage.

He too must have stress from his work which makes him upset and unhappy at times, is that a reason to stop his job?

My point is a human being will ALWAYS have reasons to be unhappy or stressed even if he is away from his loved ones. Being with him is a support that both of you need. I hope you get my point.

 

[Rosyrain]

Have you two tried to find an alternative way to get around that makes you feel more comfortable? How about taking a bus to where you are going or maybe even ride bikes? Is it actually being in a moving vehicle that causes you to panic? I sometimes have panic attacks if my husband is the one driving. I am personally fine driving myself so sometimes I drive when we have to go somewhere. I do not think your marriage should end because of your disorder unless there are other issues going on. Marriage is about compromise and finding common ground. He needs to understand that your anxiety problems are real and meet you in the middle somewhere so that you both feel comfortable.

 

[Concernedgal]

The thing is most of my panic attacks occur in a car no matter who's driving. I used to drive but, I don't anymore. I was doing alot better lately until just recently when I had a real doozie. I decided I wanted to go to the local thrift shop. I started to get a little nervous about 10 minutes from the the shop. For some reason.. I get heaviness in my arms like i'm holding weights or something ,it's weird. Then my breathing got shallow and my fingers started to tingle and then I felt lightheaded and then I had to lay down because I thought I would pass out" surprised I didnt". But, anyway,we stopped at a grocery store and I used the restroom and my symom's after that started to subside. I'm starting to see a pattern. In addition to my bipolar I believe I may have Crohns disease . What do u think? Is it worth getting checked out?

 

[janemariesayed]

The thing is most of my panic attacks occur in a car no matter who's driving. I used to drive but, I don't anymore. I was doing alot better lately until just recently when I had a real doozie. I decided I wanted to go to the local thrift shop. I started to get a little nervous about 10 minutes from the the shop. For some reason.. I get heaviness in my arms like i'm holding weights or something ,it's weird. Then my breathing got shallow and my fingers started to tingle and then I felt lightheaded and then I had to lay down because I thought I would pass out" surprised I didnt". But, anyway,we stopped at a grocery store and I used the restroom and my symom's after that started to subside. I'm starting to see a pattern. In addition to my bipolar I believe I may have Crohns disease . What do u think? Is it worth getting checked out?

Why do you think you have Crohns Disease? I've looked it up on Wiki and I really hope that you don't have it. The symptoms sound horrible. Abdominal pain, diarrhoea, fever and weight loss. As well as feeling tired, anaemia and skin rashes.
Do you have anything like these pictures anywhere on your body at all? (Pictures taken from Wiki)

Pyoderma gangrenosum on the leg of a person with Crohn's disease

People with Crohn's can have aphthous ulcers involving the mouth.

Erythema nodosum on the back of a person with Crohn's disease

Have a look on Wiki @Concernedgal and read their explanation of Crohn's disease and it may give you more insight into whether you do have it or not. There seem to be quite a few symptoms to take into account. As you seem to think that you have it, yes, go to the doctor and have it checked out. Better safe than sorry. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, my friend and hoping that you are not suffering from this at all.

 

[Concernedgal]

Ewww. No thank god. Geez. Lol

 

[Concernedgal]

I honestly just thought that Crohns disease was only specific to the digestive system. Yikes. I didn't realize it was that bad. I definitely do not have Crohns disease. Thank god too. Maybe I should consider irritable bowel syndrome instead. Or maybe it's just this weird anxiety trigger?

 

[janemariesayed]

Well, thank the Gods themselves! It may just be your anxiety. We can't really say, 'just your anxiety' as even if it is your anxiety that is giving you all these symptoms it can't be very nice. On top of that your health is causing you a lot of concern. Could you go to your doctor or a well woman clinic to have a thorough check? A full MOT so to speak? Once and for all find out if there is anything at all physically wrong with you. Remember that anxieties can cause all kinds of pains and symptoms. Suffering these can make us think that our health is failing when actually it isn't. If you could find out if you are all okay physically, then perhaps you could then focus on your mindfulness healing.

 

[Concernedgal]

I have been on a journey lately to see if I can find other causes for my anxiety type symptoms. If after all my searching I they still fond nothing.. then I will do whatever it takes to treat this anxiety. I guess i'm just having a hard time excepting this. Denial if you will.