Learning to say 'no'

[Alex]

I'm actually okay with saying 'no' to people, but I know it causes anxiety to others because they feel they need to be liked and please others. That has never bothered me too much as I was bullied as a child, and people didn't like me for no other reason than I looked different. I think if you can say 'no' when you want to rather than feel pressured it can really help you.


I know it's not that easy, but what I used to say to myself is 'what is the worst that can happen?' and I've been okay. Sometimes people are mean, but that's more because they don't have control over me when they think they do. If saying 'no' can help your anxiety, it's worth trying.

 

[pwarbi]

Learning how to say no is one of the most important things that you can do, and especially if your trying to recover from depression. I think that a lot of people like to be popular and will almost bend over backwards in order to help others but that can be detrimental to ourselves and our own lives. What we have to do, no matter ho hard it might be, is start to put ourselves first and if that means having to say no and maybe letting a person down then so be it.


Real friends won't ask you to do things anyway that could cause harm or injury to yourself in the first place so if they do, you've not only every right to say no, but also to question if they are a true friend anyway..

 

[fuzyon]

Yeah, sometimes I shy away from saying "no" simply because I don't want to upset people but you can't always please everyone, right? I learned the hard way that I should stop making everyone happy, there's no chance you'll get along with everyone in your life so it's probably a good idea to stick with your real friends and enjoy spending time with them. Refusing someone adds to my anxiety temporarily, but in the long run I feel so much better.

 

[Alex]

I feel that there is a perception that a person that says 'no' is negative, but I have found it's more about others that try to manipulate. Instead of seeing the word as negative, I see it as my way of taking control and choosing to do things when I want and if I want to. I don't always refuse people, but say I will do it when it's convenient for me as that also gives you some control over when and what you do, and that helps reduce anxiety as you aren't on a schedule for others.

 

[biege]

If you like to read books you may want to talk a look at the book " The Art of Saying No". It's a good practical book and it will help you at lot if you are to negate politely to someone.

 

[tyche]

I can't remember a time that I had difficulty saying "no" to someone. I think the only time I experience that is when someone invites me to their party, debut, get-together, etc. and then they become insistent when I say "no", so I had to lie and say "yes" to shut them up, but I really have no intention of going. I'm not a people pleaser in any way, so rejecting or refusing something is no big deal to me and it doesn't trouble me at all.

 

[Alexandoy]

When I was younger,  I have great difficulty in saying no to a proposition or suggestion. Like when I go out with a group,  I just agree to what they want in fear that I might offend them. But in the recent years,  I have learned to say no although not in a straight way. When someone borrows money from me,  I give an alibi that I am broke or something to that effect.  But at least I am learning how to say no.

 

[jy76]

If someone doesn't say no, then they might make promises they cannot keep.  For instance, they might end up promising to send money, but shortchange the amount.  In that case, learning to say no can save a lot of heartache in the future.

 

[pwarbi]

Something else that I have noticed lately as well is that more and more people are now learning to say no, but just because they are trying to be awkward. There's a lot of articles around and stories in the media about people sticking up for themselves and while that's obviously a good thing, we have to be careful that we aren't just saying no to make an impression.


Recently I've seen people saying no and being stubborn even if they really anted to say yes, they was just trying to prove a point and I don't think there's any point in doing that. People are becoming more and more wise to the ways of the world, but that's making people harder and bitter than ever before and it's important to remember that not everyone is only out for number one and we can let our guards down some of the time.

 

[misszerable]

Saying no when I have to made me less popular among my classmates and among my co-workers, but it made life less stressful for me. I have family and friends that matter and who will stand by my side no matter what and I don't have to deal with people who only likes me because we're on the same side. It doesn't have anything to do with me being out of control by other people, it's about me expressing what I want for myself. I know some people can get carried away and just say no for the sake of saying no, and how this can lead to even more disastrous results. I've made compromises in the past because I can't always say no when I have to, I think this is fine because the reward more than compensates for the sacrifice of saying no. In the end, it's what makes you happy that should matter, and not whether you say no or yes to something or someone. 

 

[tomorrow]

I'm actually okay with saying 'no' to people, but I know it causes anxiety to others because they feel they need to be liked and please others. That has never bothered me too much as I was bullied as a child, and people didn't like me for no other reason than I looked different. I think if you can say 'no' when you want to rather than feel pressured it can really help you.


I know it's not that easy, but what I used to say to myself is 'what is the worst that can happen?' and I've been okay. Sometimes people are mean, but that's more because they don't have control over me when they think they do. If saying 'no' can help your anxiety, it's worth trying.

You are very true.  This is an issue with majority of the people I guess.  They say “YES” even if they wanted to say “NO”. I think that is an indication of lack of assertiveness.  This behavior is more evident in corporate culture.  The person who never says NO is often bundled with all types of jobs while employees of the same rank enjoy their life.  But at the time of performance appraisal his efforts are easily ignored.  The reason is clear; he could not focus on his key result areas and failed to maintain quality.  I think if we fail to remain assertive others will take advantage of the situation.    


It is rightly said the greatest failure in life is trying to please everybody. Most people do this mistake in fear of rejection that he/she may disappoint or displease somebody. Deliberate and constant efforts are  required to overcome this fear. 

 

[AngelaMc]

I'm actually okay with saying 'no' to people, but I know it causes anxiety to others because they feel they need to be liked and please others. That has never bothered me too much as I was bullied as a child, and people didn't like me for no other reason than I looked different. I think if you can say 'no' when you want to rather than feel pressured it can really help you.


I know it's not that easy, but what I used to say to myself is 'what is the worst that can happen?' and I've been okay. Sometimes people are mean, but that's more because they don't have control over me when they think they do. If saying 'no' can help your anxiety, it's worth trying.

It's definitely worth saying no at times. It gives you a sense of self control I think. In the past I was somewhat of a people pleaser, and would hardly say no to anyone. As I've gotten older it seems I'm more outspoken and the word no rolls off of my tongue pretty easy, which feels good.

 

[Decentlady]

It's definitely worth saying no at times. It gives you a sense of self control I think. In the past I was somewhat of a people pleaser, and would hardly say no to anyone. As I've gotten older it seems I'm more outspoken and the word no rolls off of my tongue pretty easy, which feels good.

I too was just like you. No came as being impolite to me so to please others I would always say yes. Now that I know the consequences of being too polite, I have resorted to being more straightforward.