Is depression an excuse for rudeness?

[Alex]

I'm only asking for an opinion here, because I am helping a neighbor who has a friend who is always rude to me. I let her in the house (as I was just about to leave) and said hello. She walked past me and then said hello to her friend instead.

My parents say she has depression, but I don't see that as an excuse as she has done this to me a dozen times. My neighbor is elderly and immobile so I go over to help out when I can. I've had depression and I could be short at times or walk away, but I don't think I was rude. It makes it difficult to know how to deal with things, as in how much leeway can one give?

 

[janemariesayed]

I'm only asking for an opinion here, because I am helping a neighbor who has a friend who is always rude to me. I let her in the house (as I was just about to leave) and said hello. She walked past me and then said hello to her friend instead.

My parents say she has depression, but I don't see that as an excuse as she has done this to me a dozen times. My neighbor is elderly and immobile so I go over to help out when I can. I've had depression and I could be short at times or walk away, but I don't think I was rude. It makes it difficult to know how to deal with things, as in how much leeway can one give?

Well, of course, having depression is no reason to be rude to someone. It could be thought that she didn't hear you but she has ignored you on numerous occasions. I have a neighbour a bit like that. We have passed each other three times now, and she knows who I am. Twice I have said hello to her but she ignored me each time. I just resolved that she is ignorant which is her problem and not mine. The third time we passed each other, I totally ignored her as if she wasn't there at all.

I know that it doesn't feel good to do that, but maybe you could try just completely ignoring her too. Then again, maybe she didn't hear you? Maybe she feels shy? Who knows what is in her head, only she knows. Don't let it get to you. Keep helping your neighbour and when you catch sight of her, look the other way and just walk through that door and let it close behind you. This will leave her wondering why you didn't leave the door open for her? It would certainly make her think and you may just find that she respects you next time you cross each others paths. Don't let it get to you, though, you are worth more than that.

 

[Concernedgal]

It sounds like your neighbor is angry about being depressed. And it also sounds like she's taking it out you . If it were me, next time it happened I would confront her and ask her what I did to deserve such treatment. I'm aware that she is depressed but, I gotta go with janemariesayed here and say that depression is no reason to be rude. If she gives you the cold shoulder again and doesn't give you a reason for her behavior then wash your hands of her.

 

[Alex]

The latest is that I have spoken to my friend (the neighbor) about this as it was her friend who was staying with her that was the issue. Apparently my friend lost her temper with her after a year (she allowed her to stay with her for a year) when the 'friend' told her that she wasn't as ill as she thought she was and that should go out with her. My neighbor has chronic MS and has been in hospital a few times due to various illnesses. that's ill!

Anyhow, I've made it clear that I have been very tolerant and my neighbor told me she had behaved like that to others. It's not acceptable for a 66 year old woman who used to be a teacher to behave like that, and should know better. I think people have been trying to find a reason for her behavior when it may just boil down to it that she just isn't that nice to people unless she needs them for something.

 

[Jester85]

It's not an excuse, but it can bring someone's action into a measure of understanding if they are wrestling with mental or emotional issues. I can get very irritable and snappy with people. My parents, my roommate, and my ex-boyfriend all dealt with their fair share of my attitude problems in their time.

It's not an excuse to take your problems out on other people though. We probably all do it sometimes, but it's not a behavior that should be condoned or aspired toward.