Do you dread going to weddings?

[Natasha0717]

WHY are weddings so scary?? I know they are to me. I get nervous from the second I open the invitation. And you always KNOW when it's a wedding invite. The fancy envelope, the thickness of it, the fact that your parents have also received the same suspicious-looking gold-framed envelope with the fancy handwriting and all that...

Okay, what's worse than a wedding? Having to STAND UP IN A WEDDING.

 

[janemariesayed]

Most definitely. I am supposed to be going to a wedding next month and I am really not looking forward to it. Excuses have been rambling around my head for weeks and I may now have a couple that I can use to not attend it. I feel bad for not attending, but my social anxiety, shyness and lack of confidence is too overwhelming at the moment. I have been battling with it for weeks. Should I go, or should I not go? I can barely get out of the house most days because of my agoraphobia, so really, how on earth could I attend a wedding where I hardly know anyone? I can see myself walking in, I find the bride, congratulate her, find the groom, congratulate him, then what? I cannot join in a conversation. I cannot poke in half way through. Do I find a wall-flower and chat with them and then find they are joined by the person they know. Then the shyness will hit in and I will feel like an idiot. Besides, everyone will see me and the thought of that horrifies me.

 

[Natasha0717]

Yep, and for me, I worry SO MUCH about sleeping the night before the wedding. Because if ya don't sleep, the entire situation is a million times worse. You're tired, extra-nervous from not sleeping, huge bags under your eyes, cranky, etc.

I say, (and you were on the right track there)....congratulate the bride, then the groom, waste some time in the ladies room, walk around the entire banquet hall (alone, no big deal)....nibble on some of the dinner, take the rest home and enjoy it later...and BOOM. You've made an appearance, gotten some good wedding food (and cake), and most importantly, the bride and groom will remember you were there. That's the most important thing, not who you talk to or what you do or how long you stay, just that you made an appearance.

 

[janemariesayed]

Woah ho! I don't think so! @Natasha0717 it is the very thought of people seeing me that scares the life out of me. Walking around the entire hall is a great idea. Eating a few nibbles too is a great idea, getting a drink at the bar and so on. But, everyone will see me. They will see I am alone. They will see me! Already thinking about it and responding to your post is making me feel breathless. Yup, a PA coming on here! Just thinking about it! Light headed, woo hoo dizzy! Just off now to roll a ciggy, calm down and be back online in a half hour. Woah, I love this forum, and all of you! It helps, and all your posts are helping me to trigger symptoms, it helps me to find symptoms to give to my therapists, and so in time, give over to healing. See you in a half hour! Got to go and do some breathing exercises. yep! the thought of going to this wedding reception is causing me to have a PA.

 

[janemariesayed]

Well, here I am back after my PA. 48 minutes ago it started when I was writing that last post in answer to you @Natasha0717 that is how long it took to get over it. I had a cup of chamomile tea and rolled myself a cigarette. I also ate an avocado and a plum! I hadn't yet had breakfast so I tried to eat to help myself feel a bit better.

I still feel a bit shaky and breathless. I still feel a bit nauseous too. But during that PA I went through a lot of side effects. I felt, dizzy, my head was spinning. I felt sick, breathless. Shaky, I couldn't type properly and the words were all jumbled up I had to correct it all because it wasn't understandable. Normally I am quite good at typing and can do so without too many mistakes. But my last post had so many mistakes that no one would have understood it and I am sure if I had of actually posted it everyone would have thought my English writing to be terrible.Then I felt tearful. I went downstairs and cried, drank the tea and did some breathing exercises. Now, 51 minutes later, I am beginning to feel much better. A panic attack brought on by the thought of going to that wedding! Just the thought. Just to comprehend it. Just to put it in my mind to write about it brought on all those feelings.

Wow! How amazing is the human mind!

I decided while I was downstairs going through that PA to keep a diary of my mental state. The memory is one thing that I lack because of my mental state so keeping a record of it may be of assistance to my therapist. Maybe, maybe not. It may just help me. I think I can say now, one month before that wedding is to take place that I won't be going.

I will phone the groom a week before, he will pop over to me and I will express my apologies, give him the present and make my excuses. I am not ready for that kind of exposure.

 

[Natasha0717]

Wow. You seem to suffer from social phobia worse than me. Hope I didn't walk you down that path leading to a PA! If so, I'm so sorry. Social events are scary to me, but mostly (like I said above ^) the night before....the worrying-about-sleeping-part. The actual event, well, I've learned some skills to sort of fake it and seem like I enjoy talking to others, etc. Once I get the night before over with (that's about 90% of my fear - worrying about not sleeping at all for the event) - I can deal with the other 10%. It's just that sleeping has failed me so many times in the past, that I even dread an appointment with just about anyone, even a friend. Anyone who knows me knows not to "lock me in" at a certain time. If they ask me out to dinner, even family members, they know my answer will always be "maybe"....depends if I sleep. I never make any commitments. I had a job working at a school helping disabled students, and the hours were for NIGHT CLASSES, and I STILL worried about sleeping the night before. So I work online now, with no set hours. I have to do it this way. Otherwise, my life is just full of worry, and obsession over sleep.

If your fear of this wedding is causing you so much anxiety and actually making you feel so sick with worry (which is just destroying your health )and leading to panic attacks......then....I say..... SKIP IT. Nothing is worth your health.

Send them a really nice present instead and they will just have to understand that you can't go through with attending. Worse things have happened in this world, and the bride and groom will have a million other things on their minds anyway. Sometimes, it's okay to work around your anxiety. You don't always have to face it head on and try to be brave and "normal" as they call it like everybody else. For us, that's not always possible, and it's okay. DO NOT let the guilt get to you either, because we're great at doing that to ourselves too.

 

[janemariesayed]

Don't worry @Natasha0717 I am fine, really! It is good to feel, and it is good to release feelings. Otherwise, how would we know what the problem is and how to obtain healing?

Not getting enough sleep helps the symptoms I think. I reckon that it would make them worse if you are tired. If you have had a good nights sleep then you are bright eyed, rather than bleary-eyed, and prepared for any challenge.

I decided not to go to the wedding, although it was just the reception. I will get them a nice pressie and give them an excuse that I can't go. I don't think they will hold it against me and I am sure that they will still appreciate their present. It will be a shame not to see the bride in her dress, though. Maybe the groom can show me some pictures afterward.

 

[Concernedgal]

I can attend a wedding g if it's outdoors so I can excuse myself in case of panic attack. Indoors... no freaking way .lol. in that enclosed church or building. No ,no ,no. And I better not have to fly or drive ride far either .

 

[MeowsePad]

I have never been invited to a wedding since I was a little kid, so I haven't had to deal with this. I think that it would be hard for me, though, because there are so many people around. I have been to a couple of funerals, and funerals are extremely awkward and uncomfortable, and most of it (for me) is because there are so many people there. It's hard for me to talk to people I don't know, especially all at once.