Did you anxiety/depression improve after having your first child?

[aimeepoo]

I am wondering if there are any women here that actually had an improvement in their anxiety and/or depression once they had their first child? The reason I ask this is because my husband and I might actually try to have a baby. We are both 36 years old but up until this point have not been prepared to have a child. I do not think anyone is actually prepared, but I want to be able to be a good mother. I want that child to be happy and healthy and am afraid that if I bring one into the world I'll be more anxious or depressed. Has anyone ever had the opposite effect?

 

[Sue]

After having children I became more anxious and depressed. I was always worrying about them and scared that something would happen to them. I would become depressed because I was scared that I was not a good mother. I feared I would fail them. Now they are grown and have children of their own. They have grown into fine young adults. I am so proud of them. Looking at them I know I did something right. They are caring, kind, strong and imdependent. Even through all the anxiety and depression I am so glad that I had my children. They will bring so much joy and happiness to your life. Best of luck to you. You will be great parents.

 

[EntropiaAddict]

Both my wife and I suffer from depression. We have 4 kids (1, 5, 10, and 13). My wife said while raising the kids has heightened her anxiety, it actually has helped with her depression. Kids are such a joy to have around and neither me nor my wife could even imagine life without them anymore. As Sue said, her biggest source of anxiety is in failing them as we attempt to raise them into responsible adults. Kids are extremely resilient, and as long as you love them and continue to try and raise them right, you will both do a great job as parents. You only fail at parenting when you give up, until then, everything is just a learning experience. I wish you the best of luck with your decision.

 

[jaden11218]

At first I thought it was going to make things worse. The first week home with my son, I was so afraid of something happening to him. Anxiety was bad, I was so afraid of SIDS, choking on spit up, being in an accident, and tons of other things. I think all new moms worry about their baby's well-being though. I learn that first month that I didn't have to be afraid of those things. and once I learned how to actually take care of a baby, things got better. I wanted to do better and be better for him. I love him so much that I want him to grow up in a happy household, and I don't want him to turn out like I did. He makes me happy, and he has actually helped with my social anxiety. There are lots of doctors appointments and people you have to talk to when you have kid. I'm not as afraid of these social situations because I know I have to do it for him. He can't take care of himself, so it's my responsibility to protect him and to do whatever I have to do for him.

 

[aimeepoo]

Thank you all for your replies. They are very much appreciated. I do think we will try to have a child. I am a firm believer that if it is meant to be it will happen. If not, then I will just be thankful that it didn't because it obviously wasn't meant to. Kinda excited to start this process but nervous at the same time.

 

[Emma-Marie91]

Hi Aimee. It is a complex question you pose, and not one with a straightforward answer I'm afraid. Everybody experiences anxiety and depression differently, and what can act as a trigger for one person could leave another entirely unaffected. It is hard to explain the impact that having a child can put on both your mental and physical health, but that is by no means a reason not to do it.


Personally, while my symptoms of anxiety and depression diminished during pregnancy, shortly after I had my son I experienced the most intense episode of depression I have ever had. In short, I felt like I'd gone mad. You have to bear in mind that not only are you incredibly sleep-deprived, but the demands of a newborn baby leave very little time for you. Not to mention all those crazy post-pregnancy hormones. Only you can weigh up what that will mean for your mental health. But having a child is wonderful, and once you get past those first few months, there will be things that make you happier than you could possibly imagine. I only had the inclination to get help once my son was born, and have since discovered that anti-depressants give me a better quality of life than I have ever experienced. I would say that I'm much happier and less anxious since having a child. But only expect to feel this way after the first year. There is most definitely an adjustment period.


My advice would be to go ahead if you feel that the time is right. But, like you say, I don't think anyone is ever actually prepared for parenthood. Keep in mind your predisposition towards depression and anxiety, and be sure to talk your concerns through with every midwife/doctor/nurse/doula you see. Make sure that both your husband and family members are on the lookout to make sure you're coping okay, and to spot any signs of post-natal depression once you have given birth.


Good luck!

 

[LovelyLiz]

Every person is unique, but a friend who's suffered from anxiety for years has just gotten pregnant, and she says she's feeling a lot more optimistic and upbeat than she has done for a long time. She's had a turbulent time with her health and relationships, but she says that she's really optimistic about being a mother, and that's having a positive effect on her mood more broadly. Personally I'd assume that the opposite would be true more often than not (though it is just an assumption). In my friend's case though, having parenthood to look forward to has improved her mood.

 

[stephonline]

My grandmother and aunt told me that I should have a baby to get rid of my anxiety and panic attacks. They said it might just level out my hormone levels and that I would not have time to worry about little things like gagging when I have a screaming baby in the background. I don't see how that is possible because I would feel even more overwhelmed. My cousin had a baby at 37 last year and she is battling post partum depression. She is functional and still works, but I can tell she still has it a year later by the way she neglects her child.

 

[aimeepoo]

My grandmother and aunt told me that I should have a baby to get rid of my anxiety and panic attacks. They said it might just level out my hormone levels and that I would not have time to worry about little things like gagging when I have a screaming baby in the background. I don't see how that is possible because I would feel even more overwhelmed. My cousin had a baby at 37 last year and she is battling post partum depression. She is functional and still works' date=' but I can tell she still has it a year later by the way she neglects her child.[/quote']
Hi, thanks for your reply. I'm sorry your grandma and aunt feel that a baby would make your anxiety issues better. I do not think a person should have a baby to simply try to "cure" themselves but older people have different beliefs than those of us today. That's really sad about your cousin neglecting her child and really not fair to the child at all. I do hope the baby is able to receive love and care from her (or his) father though? Best wishes!

 

[Ashley0323]

Let me start by saying that I have had anxiety and depression since age 14. Both disorders were very severe cases too, I might add. While I will admit that since having kids my anxiety has gotten a million times worse, with all the extra " life stresses" that are involved with raising kids. On the other hand, my depression is basically non-existed. My babies bring so much joy to my life, and I couldn't imagine life without them. They are the happiness I needed in my life.

 

[gracer]

Hi aimeepoo! First off, let me commend you and your husband for deciding to try and have a child of your own. I must say that becoming a mother is a roller coaster ride. There will be mixed moments of anxiety, depression, anger, pride, happiness and all sorts of emotions but all of these are incomparable to the overall joy that a child brings in to a parent. My anxiety and depression has turned worse now because of all the drastic changes I experienced in my life but I cannot say that my having a baby was the reason for it. It is in my son whom I gather my strength from, especially in times when I feel so overwhelmed by all my negative emotions. I wish you guys all the luck on your parenthood plans.

 

[fcuco]

My grandmother and aunt told me that I should have a baby to get rid of my anxiety and panic attacks. They said it might just level out my hormone levels and that I would not have time to worry about little things like gagging when I have a screaming baby in the background. I don't see how that is possible because I would feel even more overwhelmed. My cousin had a baby at 37 last year and she is battling post partum depression. She is functional and still works' date=' but I can tell she still has it a year later by the way she neglects her child.[/quote']
I am sure she means well, but bringing a child to the world in order to fix your own issues sounds like a terrible and selfish idea, what should you do is having a child actually makes your situation worse? Not to mention that PPD is a real issue and "hormone" levels are not simply amounts of certain hormones that we have to bring to a certain level to be "well", brain chemistry is a very complicated subject with all kinds of chemicals interacting and producing emergent behaviors and consequences, it is not about having a child in order to bring some of those levels up.

 

[Hope&Joshua179]

I am wondering if there are any women here that actually had an improvement in their anxiety and/or depression once they had their first child? The reason I ask this is because my husband and I might actually try to have a baby. We are both 36 years old but up until this point have not been prepared to have a child. I do not think anyone is actually prepared, but I want to be able to be a good mother. I want that child to be happy and healthy and am afraid that if I bring one into the world I'll be more anxious or depressed. Has anyone ever had the opposite effect?

@aimeepooYour post has been a month ago.  How are you and your husband doing, so far, with your plan to pro-create a precious bundle of joy into your home? I wish you both happiness and peace in your plan to have a child, together. Your and your husband's plan is a good plan.  You will be an excellent mother and your husband will be a good father-- both of you, providing a safe, secure and happy home for your future children.


I had my fourth child, a son, at 37 years old. What you are feeling right now on being anxious is normal and is helpful. The reason why is that, when you are anxious, it triggers  hormones in your brain to think right and actually activate your inner judgment. And your mind is capable of making intelligent decisions to act on your best judgment to provide an environment of safety, hope and better life for your family.


I believe that's what it does to us, biological mothers and fathers, who beget and/or adopt children and nurture them into our family and home.

At first I thought it was going to make things worse. The first week home with my son, I was so afraid of something happening to him. Anxiety was bad, I was so afraid of SIDS, choking on spit up, being in an accident, and tons of other things. I think all new moms worry about their baby's well-being though. I learn that first month that I didn't have to be afraid of those things. and once I learned how to actually take care of a baby, things got better. I wanted to do better and be better for him. I love him so much that I want him to grow up in a happy household, and I don't want him to turn out like I did. He makes me happy, and he has actually helped with my social anxiety. There are lots of doctors appointments and people you have to talk to when you have kid. I'm not as afraid of these social situations because I know I have to do it for him. He can't take care of himself, so it's my responsibility to protect him and to do whatever I have to do for him.

I am wondering if there are any women here that actually had an improvement in their anxiety and/or depression once they had their first child? The reason I ask this is because my husband and I might actually try to have a baby. We are both 36 years old but up until this point have not been prepared to have a child. I do not think anyone is actually prepared, but I want to be able to be a good mother. I want that child to be happy and healthy and am afraid that if I bring one into the world I'll be more anxious or depressed. Has anyone ever had the opposite effect?

 

[Surrender]

@aimeepoo just the idea you are questioning how you will be as a mom is great, it shows you are introspective and want to be the best mom you could be!  None of us are perfect and we will all struggle with various difficulties through life. But the desire to do the best you can despite any difficulties is an excellent trait to pass onto your children.


You will never be prepared to have a child until the child arrives   Good luck!

 

[oportosanto]

When we had our first child my wife was collapsed and we needed to go to my inlaws for one week or two. I thought we could deal with that just the two of us, but looking back now I agree that having someone with experience proved to be a valuable help and that really helped relieve anxiety from both me and the wife.

 

[clair02]

For me having my first child didn't really help with my anxiety at first. I was so worried that something might happen to her, and it didn't help that she was two months premature, and people were always telling me that babies that are born before full term are likely to develop all sorts of problems. My anxiety actually got worse because I couldn't even sleep and I kept running to her crib to check if she was still breathing. I don't know exactly when things started to change, but the older she got, the less my anxiety seemed to be. Now she is turning six, and I haven't had an attack in over two years. 

 

[amy88]

I'm going to be 100% honest and not sugar coat anything...after my daughter was born I felt brilliant for a few days. Like a rockstar who had just done the incredible - given life to another human. But then my hormones came crashing down (which is normal!) and I really struggled for a while there. For a few months I felt like a crappy mother, a crappy wife, that I was failing at everything. It's hard when you're getting minimal sleep but you have just been tasked with the huge responsibility of looking after a brand new life!


What I would say, is be honest with your obstetrician about any mental health issues you've had. They'll look at you more closely and probably ask you more questions about how you're feeling if they know your history. It's not to say there will be a definite correlation with PND or anything, but I would try to be as open with them as you can. They're there to help - and if you need to talk to someone or need medication they're in the best position to refer you on

 

[oportosanto]

Lucky you if I might say, for the first days I mean. The issue, like you experienced, is that sooner or later the body does collapse a little and if we do not pay attention to that our mind just might follow and we might get depressed. It's an incredibly demanding situation both physically and psychologically and we need to be prepared for that and have the right support.

 

[stephonline]

My grandmother and aunt told me that I should have a baby to get rid of my anxiety and panic attacks. They said it might just level out my hormone levels and that I would not have time to worry about little things like gagging when I have a screaming baby in the background. I don't see how that is possible because I would feel even more overwhelmed. My cousin had a baby at 37 last year and she is battling post partum depression. She is functional and still works' date=' but I can tell she still has it a year later by the way she neglects her child.[/quote']

Hi, thanks for your reply. I'm sorry your grandma and aunt feel that a baby would make your anxiety issues better. I do not think a person should have a baby to simply try to "cure" themselves but older people have different beliefs than those of us today. That's really sad about your cousin neglecting her child and really not fair to the child at all. I do hope the baby is able to receive love and care from her (or his) father though? Best wishes!

Thank you so much for your response! My cousin's baby is getting all of the love and care she needs. I pushed her mother to see someone and figure out her own depression instead of just festering in her pain and her depression. My grandmother and aunt just have this old world way of thinking. I would never fall for their "advice" because I do not think that procreation would help reduce my feelings of panic and anxiety. Thank you so much for responding!