Depression and Dressing.

[janemariesayed]

When I'm feeling great I get up fresh in the morning and enjoy choosing what clothes to wear and accessories to match. When I am feeling depressed, though, I don't bother to dress in the mornings. My personal hygiene suffers and so do my surroundings. I leave the housework and seem to get into a 'can't be bothered' mood.

What is it I can do to just get myself dressed in the morning? The thought of taking off my night clothes makes me feel anxious and makes me feel like crying and I haven't a clue why? Am I relating taking off clothes with the sexual abuse I went through or is it just a symptom of depression?

 

[Concernedgal]

Yes! If a you have been sexually abused. Damn right you would cry upon undressing. Absolutely. Let me first start by saying, i'm so sorry about what happened to you. If you see a therapist, you should tell them that you cry upon undressing. Deep inside , you will probably always have that memory. My father abused me as a child and I can't trust men . I just can't . I can't look at him or speak to him. I just cant. I can't even come close to knowing how you feel . But, all I can say is I too have been effected lifelong over some selfish, no good, motha****** . I'll never understand how a person can be just so retarded as to do something g like that to another person. Hurt them. And why??? Who knows. I will always be a little angry, a little untrustong of others because of what my gather did to me. And I hate him for that. Alot of people don't really understand what hate is but, I think we do because these people in our lives decided to do what they did. I'm sorry you had to suffer the way you did. Sorry for the rant. I just get so mad to hear of someone else that I care about being hurt.

 

[janemariesayed]

Hating is the correct word to describe the feeling left. Beneath the surface lies an inground hate for abusers. The wounds they inflicted on me are still gaping open and have yellow puss having been afflicted time and time again over my early years. At least that is how it would look if it were a visible wound that people could see easily.

Maybe that is why it is difficult for some to understand how it affects us. With the symptoms being somewhat invisible.

 

[Concernedgal]

If my pain were visible. It would be blood everywhere. A huge hole in my heart and it's bleeding. It Is So Hard To Have that hole and not knw how to heal it. It's frustrating.

 

[janemariesayed]

well, blood everywhere would be an unsightly thing that everyone who caught sight of it would be able to give understanding sympathy. Yet with this invisible illness, only the symptoms can be seen. They frustrate some people who don't have an understanding of mental illness. While the symptoms can also fascinate others. It's these 'others' that we want to be interested in. By these 'others', I mean those that study the subject of mental illness and understand ways that can make us better. Those people don't judge us or think of us as crazy. They recognize our symptoms and see the wounds. I am feeling positive to be getting therapy, I think it is the only way to heal. Here's hoping that it works.

 

[Concernedgal]

I'm hopefull that it will help you. I wish you the best of luck. Have you ever taken paxil? I got prescribed it about a week ago and haven't had the nerve to try it. I'm unsure because it's an SSRI.

 

[janemariesayed]

My Doctor hasn't prescribed anything yet. I don't remember to take pills every day and I save them up in case I want to use them all at once. He put me on Sertraline before which plays about with the serotonin levels in the brain. I take St. Johns Wort and Ginkgo Biloba when I remember. They are both natural and I can't harm myself with them. They probably won't do anything to harm me if I take a whole bunch of them at once.

I also get paranoid about chemical drugs. I read the side effects and find that they can do all sorts of scary things. For example, strokes, blood clots, sudden heart failure and all sorts like that. Who needs that huh? If we are feeling suicidal, we need pills that will make us think and feel better, not pills that could kill us anyway. I just feel that it kind of defeats the object of taking the pills to stop us doing something silly when the pills could end up doing it for us anyway!

 

[janemariesayed]

A year ago, my dog Sasha was in pain with a tumor on her leg. I knew that she only had a few months to live. But I took her to the vet and asked for pain killers for her. They gave me pills for her and I checked with them what the side effects were. They told me that the pills would make her drowsy. Just drowsy, nothing else. I checked with them, asking if they were sure about that. The vet said, nothing, just drowsy. My friend checked as well asking her if she was doubly sure there were no side effects other than drowsiness. She assured both of us there was nothing to expect other than drowsiness.

I got Sasha home and gave her a pill. Within ten minutes she started having an epileptic fit. I got online straightaway and looked up the pill that the vet had given me to give her. It said the side effects could give my dog epileptic fits. I took her back to the vet and they told me to put her down, that they could not do anything for her because the epileptic fits were bringing up her body temperature too much and she should be put down straight away. If the vet had told me that it could give her epileptic fits I would never have given them to her. I know that it is a Boxer breed trait to suffer from epileptic fits, especially when they are older. I am still angry and upset with the vet because of that. I can't say here what I feel like doing to them for taking months off of my dogs' life.

I will never, ever, not in one trillion lifetimes forgive or forget that vet. She took months off my poor dogs' life and lied to me. This is one of the reasons I would never trust a chemical drug. They have side effects that no one seems to care or think about. People just seem to think, 'oh it's rare' or 'it'll be okay' then they die from some problem and the pills side effects are not even taken into consideration with the post mortem. Chemical drugs scare the life out of me.

 

[Concernedgal]

I know right? Every single SSRI I have taken has screwed me over . They would either mess with my head to where I couldn't sleep at night or make me feel severely anxious to where I couldn't sit straight and would also give me A feeling of disorientation and I also got a feeling of disassociation. I just saw the old differently? Does that make any since? Is there nothing else my doctor can do except a stupid SSRI? I just wanted to know about the paxil because I was more th an willing to try it again if I got good feedback on it. I may take your suggestion and try natural supplements. I'm really sorry to hear about your baby sasha. Your baby deserved better.

 

[janemariesayed]

Ah well, I will never go back to that vet again. As for pills, I wish I could remember to take them every day, but I don't. And then again, you could say that I have a phobia about pills! How can I get to remember to do things every day? I have a diary open on my desk in front of me while I am on the pc. The only things I actually do manage to do each day are the absolute necessaries, for example, if I have to return a form to the Government. Everything else just gets forgotten.

I've found an anti-procrastination video on YouTube. It works. I managed to do it for a few days and then I started cleaning my house and even taking my pills and getting things done. But then I stopped doing it because I forgot again. The Ginkgo Biloba is supposed to help with memory but I forget to take them too.

 

[Concernedgal]

How do you put to a video attachment to your response. I'm a technical retard. Lol

 

[janemariesayed]

Ha ha, @Concernedgal you are not the only tech retard! At least not more than I am. What I did was, I copied the link from the browser bar, where we put the www. I found the video on YouTube and then I copied and pasted the www. and hey presto. I didn't expect it to come up like it did on this page, though. Cool huh?

 

[Concernedgal]

 

[Concernedgal]

Kinda figured it out. Lol

 

[janemariesayed]

Wow! Now that is one HUGE link! And it is right too.... We were all born to be awesome, surely? As I was growing up a Christian, I remember being taught that each one of us has a purpose in life. I have often wondered what mine is. With my life having been full of sad problems, what was I supposed to draw from it and what purpose could it possibly have?

The last time I watched this 'Anti-procrastinate Video' was Saturday. Two days ago. Yesterday I forgot to do it. BUT! Yesterday I was really productive, I did a bit of cleaning, made further studies on how to write novels that make the reader NOT want to put the book down, and even did a few hours of short story writing. I was very productive. I never went on my game at all. I didn't miss it either, and I ended up having a great day. I feel fantastic about it and really think that it proves to me that subliminal's do work. At least they seem to be working for me anyway.

Ha ha ha, I must find one for money!