Asking too much of yourself

[Kaynil]

One of the reasons I get stressed is completely made up in my head but it happens before I realise I am doing it.

Basically a set up a bar if what I think is acceptable and I can do and I get extremely anxious if I cannot live up to it. This can affect really bad my own perception and how I think other see me.

For instance, I can feel I am being the weakest one in a team project I otherwise enjoy and convince myself that I am detracting more than helping to the point of jumping the gun and voluntarily quit it.

It is only on hindsight that I realise how tense I was about something that wasn't that bad or how much of the 'danger' was just in my head.

Sometimes I want to think I am over that but I still slip back from time to time.

How are you about setting goals and expectations on yourself? Are you fair? Are you flexible? Or are you hard on yourself?

 

[AnxietyMuffins]

I'm completely hard on myself. And if I dare make a mistake I tear myself up. And I always underestimate my abilities. I'm so mean to myself.

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[janemariesayed]

It seems that you lack self esteem and confidence @Kaynil. Others on the team may feel that they are the weakest and not really think that you are at all. Try to see a project through to the end and you would probably find that everyone was happy with your performance all along. As you say the danger was probably just in your head and you were just being tense for no reason. Give yourself a chance and don't be so hard on yourself. If you manage to get through to the end of any project, imagine how proud of yourself you would feel. Imagine that sense of achievement, it would work wonders for your self esteem.

 

[MeowsePad]

I always feel that I am not good enough and that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to accomplish anything worthwhile. I have a perception of how much other people my age have accomplished, and I feel bad that I haven't accomplished as much. I think that Facebook has a lot to do with that because people tend to present inflated versions of their accomplishments on social media.

 

[Decentlady]

I agree with @janemariesayed . Kaynil you certainly need to work in your self confidence.

I am fair to myself. Although I always keep reachable targets but generally speaking I am an optimistic. So failing doesn't weaken me but I actually take it as challenge to improve in future.

 

[Snapdragon]

@Kaynil: what your describing sounds like Catastrophizing. It's where you automatically presume worst-case scenario will happen. I do it a lot too.


As for goals, if I have a goal I set for myself that has no one else's involvement I'm okay. I can work on it on my own and am generally happy.

But the moment other people even so much as have an opinion on something I'm doing, I almost always quit in fear of not meeting expectations. I've quit a lot of educational courses in the past because of the (somewhat imagined) pressure to be the best at it. I figured if I couldn't be what everyone wanted me to be, I might as well give up.

@MeowsePad: I hate Facebook for that reason too. I always feel like an odd one out on there.