Anxious at the News of Death

[misszerable]

An aunt informed me yesterday that one of my cousins committed suicide by hanging. News about someone dying always leaves me anxious. I don't want to be insensitive but I never liked looking at a dead body in a coffin. For years, I've avoided going to wakes and when I do, I never take a peek at the coffin. I know it's rude but I just can't bring myself to look. When my sister died two years ago, I had to confront this fear. I had the unenviable task of checking if her make up was right just after her embalming and it really shocked me to see her that way. I was grieving but scared at the same time. I felt horrible. I don't know how some people can say that a corpse was happy or sad at death by looking at him/her in a coffin. Am I the only one who feels this way towards dead people?

 

[Alex]

Death is a tough topic to discuss, because it's not only about how the person died, by how people react. No news is good news at times and my mother hates getting calls because it usually means someone has died.

I don't think any of us can ever be fully prepared for our reactions to death, but to accept it as a normal part of life can help us. I have been sad at the loss of some people but also I think that those who suffered in illness are at peace. My father nearly died recently, and it's been a wake up call for all, but if he had died, I would have been okay as he is old and not in god health. I accept it as inevitable.

 

[tyche]

So far you are the only person that I have encountered that is afraid of looking at dead bodies. My mom has also passed away, but my family was not afraid or uncomfortable looking at her inside the coffin. Everyone reacts to death in varied ways, but I think in your case you should always just think that death is not the end, but just another chapter in the cycle of human life, and in time you will be reunited with your loved ones. Death is inevitable and we should not fear it.

 

[Alexandoy]

Death is a scary topic for me because understandably we all die sooner or later. When there is news of death, I usually become depressed even for a short while. It is like reminding me of the end and it is a grim thought. As much as possible, I get focused on something else to shed off that lingering thought about death. I remember a great uncle who was 80 at that time. Whenever we meet in a funeral he would tell me that he is glad that he is still alive. I hope I can also have that attitude.

 

[Lyndra]

Don't feel horrible. Death is always traumatic and upsetting, and the body is a all-too-real reminder of that. It seems natural to me not to want to look at final proof a person is gone, particularly if it was your sister, because of all the memories and the way it brings the loss home. I am so sorry that happened to you.

I'm glad closed caskets are the norm where I am, but I've never thought of not wanting to view the body as insulting the deceased because to me the body isn't them anymore. After the embalmers have finished it seems strange to say that someone can detect a mood, but if some one is grieving they might seize on anything that makes them feel better.

Could you try telling people who press the issue that you want to remember the person as they were?