Anxiety Over Interacting With People More Successful Than You

[tyche]

Do you ever get anxious over interacting with people who are far more successful than you, whether you just met them or they were your friends in grade school, high school, or college? I seem to be quite conscious that I have never become as successful as them, so I find myself being uncomfortable once they start asking me about my background. Do you feel diminished or even anxious at interacting with people that are more successful than you?  If yes, how do you deal with it? As for me, I just avoid people that make me feel that way, never mind if deep inside I want to interact with them just like before we started working. How about you?

 

[Alex]

I think people naturally feel a little in awe of meeting someone successful, but I don't as I am older now and realize it's not such a huge deal. People like to define others, but in life you find out it's not what you have done that always matters, but what you are doing and are planning to do that does matter.


What is success? It means different things to all of us. I know people with multiple qualifications and top jobs, and they appear successful but they aren't happy and some are nasty people. To be in successful in life is more than a fancy job title and letters after your name. Being a good, honest, decent person who people like is far more important and to be me means you are successful in life.


I have an ex-friend who seems to have it all (good job, house, looks, etc,), and looks successful to others and does tell others she is, but she has few real friends who like her, and she is a fake and lies. Is she successful or not in life?

 

[pwarbi]

I'd imagine that a lot of people will get anxious if they have to interact with people that are more successful than them, but that's just the way they have been brought up, and the way that the world is unfortunately, but that doesn't mean it's right though. I've written a lot on here regarding self-confidence being a major issue and a massive factor with depression and recovering from it, and that's all it is, a lack of self-confidence.


Everybody needs to try and remember that we are all the same and one person isn't any more important than anybody else, and I think if you learn to treat everyone the same in life then that can help you becomes more confident and a better balanced person. Just because somebody may have a lot of money or a powerful job, as a human being that doesn't make them any more important than an homeless person living on the streets. The hard part is trying to learn how to speak to those two people exactly the same.

 

[tyche]

I think people naturally feel a little in awe of meeting someone successful, but I don't as I am older now and realize it's not such a huge deal. People like to define others, but in life you find out it's not what you have done that always matters, but what you are doing and are planning to do that does matter.


What is success? It means different things to all of us. I know people with multiple qualifications and top jobs, and they appear successful but they aren't happy and some are nasty people. To be in successful in life is more than a fancy job title and letters after your name. Being a good, honest, decent person who people like is far more important and to be me means you are successful in life.


I have an ex-friend who seems to have it all (good job, house, looks, etc,), and looks successful to others and does tell others she is, but she has few real friends who like her, and she is a fake and lies. Is she successful or not in life?

You have a point there, what really does matter is if you are a decent person or not. But sometimes people still judge you for what you have achieved. My dad likes to point that out to me all the time, like I will never amount to anything when we argue, and compares what he has achieved to mine and uses it to belittle me, so it seems like people do judge you for what you have achieved. My brother also belittled me in a very childish way to annoy me 2 years ago, like name calling when I'm in the vicinity, and it escalated into an argument and a physical fight when I retorted back and I got kicked in the face when I pointed out to him his humble beginnings as a mall employee with a small wage and how being a manager now got into his head. His gf seems to belittle me as well, so even if they are not considered as "rich", just middle class, they seem to look down on people who are not successful in life. It seems that you get defined by it and it dictates your worth as a person. Of course, not all think that way, but it seems like most people do. 

 

[Alex]

@tyche yes, you will meet like that all of the time, especially when people ask where you went to school and where are you from, and when used as ice breakers it's understandable. I have met many successful people, as in successful on the outside, but I wouldn't say many of them were nice or even pleasant company to be around. I have a friend who is very successful and retired when she was in her forties, but was she successful in relationships? No, she divorced twice, had an affair and has a toy boy who she keeps. Is that successful? Not at all, because she told me that she 'kept him but to the outside world it looks perfect.


To me , it says more about the person if they judge you like that, and I would rather not know people like that. You do get stereotyped, but that's what people who don't see beyond do.

 

[Alexandoy]

If the superior person is close to me then there's no problem with me like if he is a relative. One cousin of mine is a successful enginer and he is very rich now, we talk just like before, no animosities or indifferences. But when he is a stranger, I have to admit that I become aloof. I had worked as a consultant for a big organization and sometimes I meet celebrities. You can guess that I become timid and I have that habit to listen and not ask them. So when we converse, I always nod my head in agreement and I rarely ask about their personal life. I know it is a sign of inferiority complex but I really couldn't control it most of the time. But I have noticed that when the celebrity is down to earth, I feel comfortable and our conversation becomes casual and normal. 

 

[tyche]

@tyche yes, you will meet like that all of the time, especially when people ask where you went to school and where are you from, and when used as ice breakers it's understandable. I have met many successful people, as in successful on the outside, but I wouldn't say many of them were nice or even pleasant company to be around. I have a friend who is very successful and retired when she was in her forties, but was she successful in relationships? No, she divorced twice, had an affair and has a toy boy who she keeps. Is that successful? Not at all, because she told me that she 'kept him but to the outside world it looks perfect.


To me , it says more about the person if they judge you like that, and I would rather not know people like that. You do get stereotyped, but that's what people who don't see beyond do.

That's so true. What's sad is that they are supposed to be my "family", but oh well, what can I do. My closest friends that are my neighbors but also went to school with don't seem to mind, but still, we need to put up this "facade" to the public just so that we will look good or be respected. I do notice that the more successful the person is, it is like 90% likely that it will also go to their head, even if their beginnings were humble to begin with.


And I'm pretty sure that that boy toy of your friend is just after her money. Most guys who hook up with older women as just goldiggers, and vice versa.

 

[Alex]

That's so true. What's sad is that they are supposed to be my "family", but oh well, what can I do. My closest friends that are my neighbors but also went to school with don't seem to mind, but still, we need to put up this "facade" to the public just so that we will look good or be respected. I do notice that the more successful the person is, it is like 90% likely that it will also go to their head, even if their beginnings were humble to begin with.


And I'm pretty sure that that boy toy of your friend is just after her money. Most guys who hook up with older women as just goldiggers, and vice versa.

I kind of lost respect for my friend a little when she admitted it, because it's not a real relationship because if she had no money he wouldn't be there and she knows that. Is that what successful people do, pretend and create things when they can't get what they want?


The difference is in people that know it's  a facade, and those who believe the facade. One thing depression and therapy does is make you face the bitter and ugly truths and not to hide behind them. That to me is how many depressive episodes start when people just keep lying and they don't know the truth any longer.

 

[tyche]

I kind of lost respect for my friend a little when she admitted it, because it's not a real relationship because if she had no money he wouldn't be there and she knows that. Is that what successful people do, pretend and create things when they can't get what they want?


The difference is in people that know it's  a facade, and those who believe the facade. One thing depression and therapy does is make you face the bitter and ugly truths and not to hide behind them. That to me is how many depressive episodes start when people just keep lying and they don't know the truth any longer.

I think your friend has low self-esteem to settle for a relationship where there clearly is vested interest. I think such people have serious mental issues when they start to lie and make other people believe that their fantasies are real. These people seriously need to see a psychiatrist. I think there is a disorder for that, I just don't know what it is. And if that person also takes drugs or alcohol, expect them to be all the more irrational and their lies to escalate to outrageous levels.

 

[jy76]

I have a brother-in-law who has that problem.  He constantly dwells, often using humor, on how my brother is so rich, and he has nothing.  I don't think it's a very healthy attitude.   What does it matter that my brother makes between $100,000 and $200,000 a year?  Why should that situation provoke insane jealousy?

 

[Jasmin Cottontail]

I totally understand how you feel as I have felt this way before but thankfully I outgrew it. Now I'm actually the contrary of this, I love hanging out with successful people and smart people, well people who are even more smarter than I am. I feel overwhelm with those kind of people around me that I really wanted to be as successful and as smart as them so I would ask questions on how this and that is being done, or how did they do this and how did they accomplish that. With that, I feel I'm learning something new and helpful which I can apply on my everyday or professional life. Of course I can be envious at times, but it's my stepping stone towards my way to success

 

[misszerable]

There will always be people who are and will become more successful than us so it shouldn't really matter that much. After all, each of us have our own definition of success. I was never anxious when I'm with more successful friends, classmates, or relatives. I am happy with what I have been blessed with. Most of the successful people I know are not insecure people who will flaunt whatever they have to gain respect and admiration from their peers. On the contrary, the truly rich and successful ones are humble and generous people.