Anger problems

[XmasCarol52]

This is really starting to bother me,my yelling has been out of control in these past two weeks,I am so afraid they will evict me but I don't think they can because is part of my illness which is something they just do not get.Every little thing makes me nervous lately and I lose control I have tried hard not to yell but I cannot ..I tried singing working on stuff nothing seems to help then on top of that I also get shaky then I start to cry because I am wondering why and what is happening to me ,I feel like I am going crazy.I know it is because of the bipolar and mood swings but I just don't know how to stop it.I am afraid all of the time.I wish I couldn't eat maybe that will help me lose weight heaven knows I lost my mind lol.

 

[janemariesayed]

This is really starting to bother me,my yelling has been out of control in these past two weeks,I am so afraid they will evict me but I don't think they can because is part of my illness which is something they just do not get.Every little thing makes me nervous lately and I lose control I have tried hard not to yell but I cannot ..I tried singing working on stuff nothing seems to help then on top of that I also get shaky then I start to cry because I am wondering why and what is happening to me ,I feel like I am going crazy.I know it is because of the bipolar and mood swings but I just don't know how to stop it.I am afraid all of the time.I wish I couldn't eat maybe that will help me lose weight heaven knows I lost my mind lol.

Bless you, @XmasCarol52 you have not lost your mind at all! Whatever is the reason for your illness, that is what it is. You are not well and so how can that be your fault. The fact that your illness affects your mood isn't your fault either and yet when you have an outburst, you are still quite within your mind. If you were not in your right mind then you probably wouldn't remember it. Then, you wouldn't feel bad about it because you wouldn't remember it. I know it is easier said than done, but try to not worry about it. Don't care what they may or may not think of you. Sending you hugs.

 

[XmasCarol52]

Thank you,you are so sweet,I had a few more outburst again today matter of fact my meals on wheels lady caught me however she gets my illness she understands but does'nt get why we feel this way.As i have told her I only wish that I knew all i know is that it is a chemical imbalance in the brain ,what brain lol. Anyway when I asked her if she could hear me yelling outside she said no not until she opened the door she said my name i think she was trying to get me to snap out of it she did for a few seconds,let me tell you what has been going on outlook.com my email keeps blocking me from getting into my email and i need some kind of email i justt changed it yesterday then again this morning the same old crap i signed up again with them only to find out when i had to sign in they kept on giving me this crap my password was wrong,another dumb email told me my phone number wasn't valid i think I know my own phone number,then I couldn't open any web pages because sometimes google messes up and it takes me almost ten minutes to get back on my pc.Then I went and told everyone my new email yesterday only to tell me it is being blocked i had to tell about five people my new addy now i cannot use that this way to much for me to handle.Maybe for some people that wouldn't bother but for me it does.Maybe that is because I am not normal.IN any case thanks for the hugs right back at you,believe me I could certainly use those hugs because the last 2 weeks have been pure hell for me. Right now I am crying.I feel like I am a bad person because of my mental illness.I sound like I have a demon inside of me when I am yelling it doesnt even sound like me,even my friend told me that,I couldn't hurt anyone they just better not say a word to me about it again,now a coupleof pix i drew today i have to do something

 

[janemariesayed]

Thank you,you are so sweet,I had a few more outburst again today matter of fact my meals on wheels lady caught me however she gets my illness she understands but does'nt get why we feel this way.As i have told her I only wish that I knew all i know is that it is a chemical imbalance in the brain ,what brain lol. Anyway when I asked her if she could hear me yelling outside she said no not until she opened the door she said my name i think she was trying to get me to snap out of it she did for a few seconds,let me tell you what has been going on outlook.com my email keeps blocking me from getting into my email and i need some kind of email i justt changed it yesterday then again this morning the same old crap i signed up again with them only to find out when i had to sign in they kept on giving me this crap my password was wrong,another dumb email told me my phone number wasn't valid i think I know my own phone number,then I couldn't open any web pages because sometimes google messes up and it takes me almost ten minutes to get back on my pc.Then I went and told everyone my new email yesterday only to tell me it is being blocked i had to tell about five people my new addy now i cannot use that this way to much for me to handle.Maybe for some people that wouldn't bother but for me it does.Maybe that is because I am not normal.IN any case thanks for the hugs right back at you,believe me I could certainly use those hugs because the last 2 weeks have been pure hell for me. Right now I am crying.I feel like I am a bad person because of my mental illness.I sound like I have a demon inside of me when I am yelling it doesnt even sound like me,even my friend told me that,I couldn't hurt anyone they just better not say a word to me about it again,now a coupleof pix i drew today i have to do somethingView attachment 214 View attachment 215 View attachment 216 View attachment 217 View attachment 219

It is really hard to put ourselves completely in another persons shoes. Having compassion and total confidence doesn't usually go hand in hand. When we are feeling okay, we are on top of the world and don't think about what others are going through. Even if two people suffer the same problem, they can end up with totally different symptoms.

Don't think of yourself as a bad person. You are not at fault because you are not well. At least you understand why you behave the way you do. Telling people has or at least should make them realise that your reactions are not meant in a bad way. If they have any kind of understanding in them at all I am sure they would be gentle with you.

Sorry about the problems you had with your email. Things like that can happen to the best of us but for us, with our mental state, it is much harder to deal with. So, yes! Those hugs are for you and whenever you need them.

 

[XmasCarol52]

Thank you so much and here are some hugs for you to.hugs,

 

[XmasCarol52]

I have been feeling a little bit better today that is because I was not on my computer that much I think I just needed to take a break from it.Besides that I don't feel all that mad and angry like I did for the past two weeks,so perhaps or maybe the feeling is starting to go away.That would be nice wouldn't it?Hope you are okay,big hugs,Carol

 

[Concernedgal]

Look what i found. Your a good person. The injustice is the mental health system . They should be able to do better for us.

 

[janemariesayed]

I am wondering @Concernedgal @XmasCarol52 as you both suffer from Bipolar if there is an actual trigger to your angry phases. Do you feel them coming on? Is there a particular trigger that sets off the anger phase or is it something that comes out of the blue? I am wondering if either of you can identify if there is a trigger that brings it on?

Thankfully Bipolar isn't something that I can add to my own problems. Of course, there are times when I am happy, and other times not. The last time dI was going through a 'non-controllable angry phase' was a year ago last Christmas when my 11 year old dog died. I just seemed to get really irritable and lose my rag with anything and everything. Even up to a few months later. This was normal anger I think, that anyone can have. Of course, this is a lot different from the anger that you guys are suffering. Is it the same in the sense that it isn't controllable, like it was for me after my dog died?

 

[XmasCarol52]

with me it starts when I have something that doesnt work right say my computer or like this morning i just swept up some mess on the floor so when i went to put it in the trash i missed it somehow and it landed all over the floor so i had a small yelling spell but it wasnt as loud as usual.but get me on the computer and it doesn't run or stupid emails keep blocking me out that ticks me off,sometimes my mother will set me off because she just doesn't get my illness at all when n fact she sounds like she has something herself but don't go and tell her that because she thinks nothing is wrong with her,Oh really she is always snapping at people and if she cannot dominate you she lays this big guilt trip on you.I however don't fall for her childess games anymore if she gets me upset I just yell back at her,.FUnny she cant hear me when I am talking to her but just whisper something and she can hear you,She hears what she wants to hear. I am so sorry to hear about your dog.I feel like I cannot control it and one time my stupid land lady told me I have to learn how to control it.Like I told her i don't know how to control if I did I wouldnt be yelling anymore ,That is such a stupid thing to say to anyone u need to control don't they seem to realize if we could control it we would.I honestly don't know how to control it I have tried sometimes it works and other times it just comes out.They have no problems with a physical illness but a mental illness they do.I am sorry but that is just discrimination she told me that is not what she is doing oh really questioning me when i have to go and see my doctor sticking her nose where is doesn't belong and telling me i need to get over it is discriminating to me especially when she use to threaten eviction. She doesnt anymore anymore probably because I reported her to the head of the senior center.He also runs how things get done here lord knows the guy who runs it doesn't know what he is doing and doesnt care either Buddy is his name he works to help us seniors and the other is just a land lady i got sick and tired of hearing well this one has a bad heart and my yelling is not helping any,As if my illness was a lie or something like that. Physical illness takes over a mental illness and that just fair I see that everywhere i have physical problems to. Sometimes i just want to give up. LIke I have thought of hanging myself but I am to chicken to do myself in.

 

[Concernedgal]

For me the anger is pretty basic. Like @XmasCarol52 mentioned, it starts out as a simple little thing that goes wrong then you are just annoyed and ticked about every little thing. The triggers can be as innocent as asking a simple question . I suppose I am just angry at life and anything or anybody that wants to dare put more stress on me.. is definitely in for it.

 

[XmasCarol52]

Isn't it just awful how something so little wouldn't bother anyone else but for us it is a everyday hassle.Well it sure seems that way for me.Why us that is what i would like to know Just like today I knocked over my bottle of klonopin and I completely lost it.I hope nobody heard me,I was so worried I wouldn't have enough meds to get me through the 28th of this month i am fine some days I don't even take one and if I need to I only take a half a pill .unless my anxieties get really bad,I am on depakote and abilify the generic one for my mood disorder but i don't see it helping any of course I have to rashion off some of my pill so they will last another week To say the least I know my anger is due to frustration I was told that when I yell it doesn't even sound like me.. I know I sound more like a man,with a raspy voice. I feel terrible when I yell,but what are we suppose to do.?Hi Michelle can u please tell me the name of the survey u do and if it is free.I lost my two surveys because none of them wont let me chance my email it makes me so mad i was getting two ten dollar gift cards from walmart and I was so close to getting another what a load of bull this is and it would have been nice if outlook had told us they were down and have a outage they still are. Ugh however today I didn't yell more liked laughed in disgust

 

[XmasCarol52]

I don't know if anyone else feels this way but I feel like I am being punished for my illness,we should all stick together and not let anyone treat us like dirt..I even had people laugh at me over the phone cause I get nervous one time I got so mad I told the woman to stop laughing at meshe says she wasn't but I know better.That is just plain rude People are always laughing at me because of the way I talk sometimes I cannot get the words out right it is not funny to me not one single bit.

 

[Concernedgal]

It's not funny. You just want to point at them and yell" what makes you so perfect bitch?They don't understand that we were born with an inadequate supply of sarotonin in our brain"sorry, seen my doctor recently " lol. Anyway. People shun and belittle us and there's no reason for it. I mean how would you feel? How would you feel if you had to live and deal with what we have to deal with everyday? Can I laugh at you too? Wait till that bitch has her own panic attack of her own.. just wait. Laughing at you... I still can't believe that crap . I hate people like that. It's disrespectful and disgraceful. That pisses me off. I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve that . None of us deserve that. Because i've been in similar situations in my life . I just want to punch them but, I restrain myself . Stay strong . And know that I am here for you if you need to talk.

 

[Holly_Natanya]

So sorry you're going through that! Big hug and best wishes!! I agree with posts above that it's not your fault! Hope you have good friends around you to tell you what's great about you.

 

[XmasCarol52]

For me I have one friend she is so nice to me she undestands my illness but she doesnt understand why or how we feel this way.I wish I could explain it to her because even I don't know why. Bless you and a Big Hug for you to hug

 

[Holly_Natanya]

One awesome friend can make a giant difference! I bet if you just explain it to her that same way, that you don't know why, she'll care. There aren't answers to everything in life, so caring for one another seems to me to be the most important thing. Hope you have an awesome Tuesday XmasCarol52! Feel free to message any time.

 

[XmasCarol52]

you can call me Carol.she is great I love her so much too.I hope we can become friends

 

[janemariesayed]

I've noticed that I've been getting a bit angry lately. I think it's because of my upcoming therapy assessment on Thursday. I've been really snappy at everyone, even shop assistants. It may be time to stay home for a while so I don't embarrass myself.

 

[XmasCarol52]

I get that way to whenever I have to go out I think it is because we are so scared don't know what to expect.Now I have to go out Tuesday i don't want to go but I need my meds.Also having that head test done. I hate being asked questions.I am going to see if she can give me something else for the anger,Maybe even something where I can sleep at night I know this isn't normal but some days i get so angry I feel like I want to kill someone ,it is only an intrusive thought but that is the way I feel.Of course I would never act on it.Thank god for that

 

[XmasCarol52]

Well for two whole weeks I have been able to control my anger no yelling what's so ever.I just hum or if I do get anxious I talk out loud but you can not possible hear me because it is in my regular voice not loud enough for anyone to hear me. Isn't it funny how sometimes we can control our anger and other times we just fly off the handle.Sometimes maybe this is korny but i just bow my head and pray.Along with the yelling i get shaky and start to cry.I am not a violent person,but it scares me whenever I have one of those yelling episodes I just do not understand why sometimes I can control it and other times not.Even my computer couldnt make me mad,actually lately when there is a problem i just laugh with disgust because we all know how stupid computers can be and annoying too.I love everyone and hurting someone is not what I am going to do.My yelling stems from being afraid of losing things,every time something doesn't work i yell. I just don't know how to act any other way.Maybe I should put a bag over my face that way when i have to yell I can do it with the bag on,I dont know.. I want to give everyone here a great big hug because we all need it.God bless you all.