The desire to hurt yourself

This is something I fortunately fail to understand, as I never had the impulse of hurting myself or others, is something that doesn't make sense in my head. I don't think we should punish ourselves for whatever might have happened, we should simply try to find ways to be a better person and solve whatever wrong things we might have done. Instead of self-destruction we should seek self-improvement.

I don't know if this counts but I have suffered from self harm for 9 years

I sometimes feel the same way. I have a few self-inflicted cuts on me right now. You should find a way to vent. I hit a punching bag or burn paper.

Having a punching bag is a great way to get rid of anger. I don't think about it though and tend to shout my mouth off when I'm stressed or angry. It's my poor dogs that get shouted at but I don't harm myself or anyone when I'm feeling like that. Years ago I would smash things but I don't do that anymore. I just shout as loud as I can but I am also trying to calm that down too.