A Sad Bad Day. Needing Love And Hugs.

Snapdragon · Mar 26, 2017

How you're mother is treating you does sound evasive and unkind, you do deserve better. She (and your aunty) definitely shouldn't make fun of you not being a parent, and to wave off your stresses like that is so selfish and cruel. It's any wonder you feel so upset about it all.

But yeah, I can empathize how you must feel about Mother's Day. Any kind of celebration about family can be triggering when you don't get along with them. Also the stress you've had in hopes of becoming a parent yourself must be difficult. It's a lot of grief to deal with.

It may not be good advice, but sometimes it can help to spend time with people you know that do care about you on these days. Hang out with friends or even your pets, and cherish time with them instead. Maybe even do something for yourself.

Whatever happens, know you still deserve to be loved. Don't let your mum make you feel worthless, it's her being the pain in the butt, not you. *hugs*

AnxietyMuffins · Mar 26, 2017

Maybe the guilt is making them awkward. They are shameful for treating you that way.

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Concernedgal · Mar 26, 2017

Your mother has done a shameful thing and you are the reminder of it. She doesnt hate you.. she hates herself. She gave you up . She don't deserve you. It sounds to me like they are bad people. You are a kind and gentle person. And although your life has been tough.. it was gods will. They are bad people, I hate to say that but, they are. No matter the reason for what she did. You deserved better than what you got. I honestly can't understand why you keep trying with these people. Look at it this way, she didn't leave you... you left them. And I think that if your mother wants a relationship than you let here make the effort , her, not you . It is not your job to make the effort. From whatbi've heard so far I don't like this woman. I don't . I'm sorry if you don't like hearing that. This is her responsibility to fix things between you 2.

Concernedgal · Mar 27, 2017

Sometimes having tjem there though doesn't make much of a difference either. My mom had her head in the sand while my dad contantly cheated on her and my dad was a cheating basted that would get drunk cheat on my mom and then come home just to phyically abuse us. Everyone one at work asked me my i'm easily startled or why I hold my hand s in front of my face sometimes when they get too close. I never noticed stuff like that. To me... I guess it's just instinct. You never know, her giving you up might of been for the best. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if I were given up.

Decentlady · Mar 27, 2017

We all react differently do different circumstances. I don't want to sound biased but I have often noticed that some people act differently from the outside but mean totally opposite from inside.

Like those who act like they don't give damn and laugh inappropriately are often people who are deeply guilty and have no other way of expressing their regrets.

If I were you I would not judge your mom for you don't know the reasons for her actions. Remember, and since you have experience motherhood in part, a woman when gets pregnant is already attached to the unborn baby with dreams of ger own.

It is very rare to hate the innocent child inside a womb and it is extremely heart tearing to part with the baby that you carried for 9 months!

Therefore, whatever her reasons were, try and see them. Half a century is a long time for the grief to resolve and for things to go normal overnight. Give her and yourself time before you jump to conclusions.

XmasCarol52 · Mar 31, 2017

janemariesayed said:
My birth mother gave me up to a children's home when I was four years old and I never saw her again until two years ago. That is a massive 49 years that I didn't see my mom. Practically half a century.

Today should be a wonderful day as we are in touch again. But she is so evasive of me. She and my aunt were following me on Facebook which I noticed two years ago. I friended them both on Facebook and we met up. The meetings have been a bit strained, but they would never admit that it a million lifetimes. I tried to call her regularly to make the effort to get to know each other but she wouldn't answer the phone. Whenever we spoke afterwards she would tell me she didn't recognise the number and laugh.

That would upset me and eventually, I gave up trying to call her altogether. Now I wait for her to call me.

Mothers day has come around again and I sent her a choker necklace and a pretty card. I have very little money and she knows that yet I still go without gas heating and hot water for a week so I can send her a present. She called me this morning and she didn't even mention that she had received it. I asked her if she had got it in the end and she just said oh yes I got it. Not one word of thanks or sign of appreciation.

Her and my aunt said happy moms day to me too and then laughed and reminded me that I am not a mother. I replied with the fact that I have lost six babies and this day is a sad day for me and they both just said oh yeah in a 'couldn't care less' type manner.

I've not spoken with her since a few months and today's call from her to me only lasted 5 minutes and 31 seconds. Wow! What a mom to be proud of. How nice (sarcasm here) to have such a lovely chat with my mother! Do you think it's obvious she hates me or what?

Your mom is awful how could a simple thank you and an I love you hurt.My kids do the same thing all the time every time I sent them something I have to asks if they got it then I have to wait for a thank you.I always say thank you when somebody gives me something whether I like it or not.I would never tell them that i didnt like it but it is just the thought that counts,Your mom I am sorry to say is mean.Thank you just two little words but they mean so much.Did I read that right u lost six babies?oh my god you poor woman.I can send u a hug if that helps any. Oh my god your aunt is just as bad as your mom. A simple I love you would be nice to hear to wouldn't it ? She should learn how to show u some compassion.Do you think because of your mental illness she treats you this way? I mean maybe she thinks u r crazy which is not true.Why can't people seem to realize that a mental illness is or can be just as bad as a physical one.In any case here is that hug i promised you.Hug

Onix · May 5, 2017

You should stay away from those awful people.

XmasCarol52 · May 5, 2017

XmasCarol52 said:
Your mom is awful how could a simple thank you and an I love you hurt.My kids do the same thing all the time every time I sent them something I have to asks if they got it then I have to wait for a thank you.I always say thank you when somebody gives me something whether I like it or not.I would never tell them that i didnt like it but it is just the thought that counts,Your mom I am sorry to say is mean.Thank you just two little words but they mean so much.Did I read that right u lost six babies?oh my god you poor woman.I can send u a hug if that helps any. Oh my god your aunt is just as bad as your mom. A simple I love you would be nice to hear to wouldn't it ? She should learn how to show u some compassion.Do you think because of your mental illness she treats you this way? I mean maybe she thinks u r crazy which is not true.Why can't people seem to realize that a mental illness is or can be just as bad as a physical one.In any case here is that hug i promised you.Hug

oH NO I didnt lose 6 babies I was only knocked up twice i couldnt have anymore because I had toxima.My family thinks i have a screw loose that is not fair it is a mental illness we are not stupid

XmasCarol52 · May 6, 2017

That is so true about the non-suffers do we go around criticizing someone if they had a physical illness no they why put us down??? I am so sick of the idiots who think they know us but they do not.and show no compassion at all,i will tell u one thing people who have a mental illness i do find have the most compassion of all.I suppose it is because we hurt and we know how bad someone else feels when they hurt.

XmasCarol52 · May 9, 2017

Ya I know snap out of it as if it would be so easy.Don't we wish.I wish I had a magic wound so i could cure anxieties or any mental illness for that matter

Hope Matthew1128 · May 10, 2017

janemariesayed said:
My birth mother gave me up to a children's home when I was four years old and I never saw her again until two years ago. That is a massive 49 years that I didn't see my mom. Practically half a century.

Today should be a wonderful day as we are in touch again. But she is so evasive of me. She and my aunt were following me on Facebook which I noticed two years ago. I friended them both on Facebook and we met up. The meetings have been a bit strained, but they would never admit that it a million lifetimes. I tried to call her regularly to make the effort to get to know each other but she wouldn't answer the phone. Whenever we spoke afterwards she would tell me she didn't recognise the number and laugh.

That would upset me and eventually, I gave up trying to call her altogether. Now I wait for her to call me.

Mothers day has come around again and I sent her a choker necklace and a pretty card. I have very little money and she knows that yet I still go without gas heating and hot water for a week so I can send her a present. She called me this morning and she didn't even mention that she had received it. I asked her if she had got it in the end and she just said oh yes I got it. Not one word of thanks or sign of appreciation.

Her and my aunt said happy moms day to me too and then laughed and reminded me that I am not a mother. I replied with the fact that I have lost six babies and this day is a sad day for me and they both just said oh yeah in a 'couldn't care less' type manner.

I've not spoken with her since a few months and today's call from her to me only lasted 5 minutes and 31 seconds. Wow! What a mom to be proud of. How nice (sarcasm here) to have such a lovely chat with my mother! Do you think it's obvious she hates me or what?

Hugs and utmost Love to you, beautiful @janemariesayed

I know it isn't enough saying this online. But my heart and soul empathize with your pain and hurt. I cry out to God with you. I think, you are very strong, brave and genuine Pearl has become of you in the long process.

You are a very kind and good person to be continuing your unreciprocated reaching-out to your elderly mother. I don't know why you'd do it. But you do. Will it help you if you don't see your mother as much? Or it helps you better by following your conscience doing the right thing that way by continuing contact with her and your aunt?

I know of a woman who had an abusive family member when she was a little girl. She's now in her 50s (?), an author, a well-heard Bible teacher and speaker. Her name is Beth Moore in the US. She resonates with thousands of women who have suffered in their pasts. I watch her speak on YouTube, as well.

God bless you and surround you with real friends and family, Jane Marie. Count me in, please.

misszerable · May 10, 2017

I can't imagine how painful it must have been to have a mother like that. Seems to me like she's waiting for you to tell her that you hate her because of what she did to you when you were a child, but you never did so she feels more guilty than ever. She doesn't deserve you and your love and she knows that. I think that deep inside she loves you but she's too self-centered, immature, and insecure. She pretends that she's ignoring your efforts to reach out but in truth, she must be feeling overwhelmed and undeserving of your attention. You deserve to be loved, @janemariesayed and I hope you'll get all the hugs and affection you're craving for.

A Sad Bad Day. Needing Love And Hugs.

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