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Morpheus81

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I'm 35, m, and have anxiety issues specifically with being afraid of spreading germs and afraid of breaking the law. I was a janitor for 2 years and worked in medical billing before that. When you see the phrase "made me" in this description, I'm not placing blame or removing it from myself, I'm just using it as a phrase to show the tasks that started me on this road of trouble. The janitor job made me afraid of spreading germs and the medical billing job made me paranoid of breaking the law with everything I did and made me start questioning myself and making me question my motives in every thing I did and then compare those motives to the legal requirements of florida law and this has gotten out of control. I come here to seek help and fellowship. Thank you.
 
janemariesayed

janemariesayed

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Hiya @Morpheus81 and welcome. You have found a great place to share your issues. I've not been here too long, but already I have found everyone to be really supportive and understanding. I think I can understand how a cleaning job can make you more aware of germs and how they spread. The way you feel about breaking the law, however, it may help if you relax a little. You do know the difference between right and wrong. As long as you keep to doing right, then you have nothing to fear.
 
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Morpheus81

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Thank you for your post. I feel guilty about things I've done in the past. A little over a year ago I took my grandfather to get bloodwork and witnessed the phlebotomist not washing her hands or changing her gloves after getting blood and urine specimens and I allowed her to see my grandfather who has type 2 diabetes, alzheimers,and dementia. I should have spoke up and told her to clean her hands and work station but I never spoke up. Her hands didn't look wet or dirty neither did I see any fluid stains on anything she touched. My mind has been tortured lately because of it. I knew I she was supposed to clean her hands but I didn't speak up. At first I waited for her to finally wash her hands, then thought about calling my grandmother who takes care of him but didn't want to freak her out. In the end, I just let it happen. I've been thinking about it constantly and am worried I may have infected him somewhow with a virus like CMV or something. I have no real evidence this happened but I can't stop thinking about it.
 
janemariesayed

janemariesayed

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If there is no evidence of CMV, or anything else, then don't fret yourself. It seems as though you are worrying unnecessarily. If you see something like a medical worker not washing their hands, you do have the right to speak up. Don't be shy or afraid to say something. The problem is that we are afraid of offending people, or we are afraid of discord.

I hate any kind of discord so I can understand why you didn't speak up, despite wanting to. You didn't do anything wrong. Have you had a talk with your doctor about your fears? It seems, that you are worrying about things where you don't really need to, and that could be a symptom of something else.
 
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Morpheus81

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I did do something wrong. I was okay with exposing him to whatever may be on the lady's hand and then let it happen.That's the part that I have been struggling with.
 
janemariesayed

janemariesayed

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Morpheus81 said:
I did do something wrong. I was okay with exposing him to whatever may be on the lady's hand and then let it happen.That's the part that I have been struggling with.
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It all turned out okay though @Morpheus81 and you must forgive yourself. The reason you didn't stand up and speak out was because of your mental state. That means you are not guilty. The Phlebotomist was at fault above anyone. You realise your mistake and I doubt that you would stay quiet in the future. I think that this is not the real problem for you. Look deep in your mind, what has brought on these feelings? It seems that these feelings are a side effect of something else.
 
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XmasCarol52

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Morpheus81 said:
I'm 35, m, and have anxiety issues specifically with being afraid of spreading germs and afraid of breaking the law. I was a janitor for 2 years and worked in medical billing before that. When you see the phrase "made me" in this description, I'm not placing blame or removing it from myself, I'm just using it as a phrase to show the tasks that started me on this road of trouble. The janitor job made me afraid of spreading germs and the medical billing job made me paranoid of breaking the law with everything I did and made me start questioning myself and making me question my motives in every thing I did and then compare those motives to the legal requirements of florida law and this has gotten out of control. I come here to seek help and fellowship. Thank you.
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Welcome,It is so hard to forgive yourself cause I still blame myself for my husbands passing even though i KNow he was very sick.Do you have OCD?I know of a couple of people who have it .they are afraid of germs and clean all the time..You first big step was to come here it took me awhile until i got enough courage to join this forum.. You know i use to have trouble with sticking up for myself but not anymore I got sick and tired of people walking all over me the only two people have a hard time with is my land lady and my mom she has a way of making me feel guilty,
 
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Morpheus81

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I just don't know if I can live and feel like I may have allowed him to possibly be exposred to something. I keep re-living it in my head and wanting to tell myself I told the lady to wash her hands when I actually didn't. This has absolutely destroyed me and I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to talk about it with my family because they may get mad at me and kick me out of the family.
 
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XmasCarol52

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HI please know that you can talk to me anyone else here if you want to,I wont abandon you,my family doesnt get it either they just think I am not right in the head,my mom always says that when someone has a mental illness,that is not fair,I live with things going on over and over my head to someway or somehow i always think that when someone else is hurting or suffering i had something to do with it,yet deep down inside I know it isn't true,why must we hurt all of the time?? I think you could use a great big hug if you dont mind.hugs
 
Concernedgal

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Morpheus81 said:
I'm 35, m, and have anxiety issues specifically with being afraid of spreading germs and afraid of breaking the law. I was a janitor for 2 years and worked in medical billing before that. When you see the phrase "made me" in this description, I'm not placing blame or removing it from myself, I'm just using it as a phrase to show the tasks that started me on this road of trouble. The janitor job made me afraid of spreading germs and the medical billing job made me paranoid of breaking the law with everything I did and made me start questioning myself and making me question my motives in every thing I did and then compare those motives to the legal requirements of florida law and this has gotten out of control. I come here to seek help and fellowship. Thank you.
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As a man in the medical feild, you should also know a few things such as CMV can indeed infect anyone. That's a fact , however, although the virus my lay dornment in the body the only way it could cause problems is if a person has hiv/aids or a cancer patient going through chemo. Here's all I know about it. My point is, there is no need to worry about something that you have no control over. Screenshot_2017-03-03-22-33-31.png
 
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Morpheus81

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XmasCarol52 said:
HI please know that you can talk to me anyone else here if you want to,I wont abandon you,my family doesnt get it either they just think I am not right in the head,my mom always says that when someone has a mental illness,that is not fair,I live with things going on over and over my head to someway or somehow i always think that when someone else is hurting or suffering i had something to do with it,yet deep down inside I know it isn't true,why must we hurt all of the time?? I think you could use a great big hug if you dont mind.hugs
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I receive that hug thankfully.
 
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XmasCarol52

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You are so very welcome anytime you need to talk I am here.also hugs too.
 
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