Help! I've Been Invited To A Wedding!

Can you take a plus one? If not, ask if there is anyone else you know on your table. Weddings are quite nerve racking, and I'm not a fan of them either.

I think the best thing to do is just be yourself and be a good listener. The question people always ask is which side do you know, and then conversation can stem from that.

janemariesayed said:

Thanks @Alex. Well a couple of friends were supposed to be going as well as me and I would have gone along with them. It doesn't look like my friends will be going now so I would have to go by myself. I don't think it's a sit down evening, as it's just the reception that I've been invited to but the thought still scares me.

This darned anxiety makes me feel so shy!

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A lot can change! I know I backed out of a posh wedding in a castle that cost my friend a fortune, and I lied and said I had to work. The thought of going there and not knowing anyone (it was miles away in Leeds) was too much, as well as the pressure of a posh wedding. I felt bad, but the anxiety of going was worse.

If it's local it's not too bad as you can go home or arrange a cab back. If it all gets too much, you can say you have a headache and leave, but don't worry too much, because weddings are events where people know there will be strangers. Watch Four Weddings and Funeral and you'll be fine!

Hi Jane -

That's tough. If I had to go to a wedding and only know the groom fairly well, I'm not sure I would go. I've always had good friends at weddings. You could engage in some polite conversation at your dinner table.

Keep checking around for a +1. Otherwise, maybe you could plan out who you're going to talk to and what you're going to talk about. For example....the sisters. How's their shop going? Ask the bride what she thought when they first met. Ask her the most embarrassing things he ever did.

You could ask a couple strangers who they know and how they know them.

Personally, I hate dancing. So if I went alone, I'd go for dinners and chat with a few people and go home.

I'm just throwing out ideas.

It'll help you maintain the relationship with your friend. And you'll feel good because you made an appearance.

And if anyone asks, you just say you didn't know too many people but you had a good time while there.

That makes it work for everyone, at least. And don't beat yourself up for how things go afterwards. That's the most unhelpful thing social anxiety sufferers do.

I actually just started my own thread about fear of going to weddings. Just saw your post now, so of course I will contribute.

I don't know what advice I can give you, since I seem to struggle the most with weddings myself. Sometimes I wonder if I secretly didn't get married because then I would have had no choice but to attend my own wedding.

If you're not on too many anti-anxiety meds or antidepressants, a couple drinks ALWAYS help. I wish I could do this, but my Xanax doesn't allow me to drink at all. Just makes me feel weird instead of happy and carefree like alcohol used to. Xanax doesn't play nicely with alcohol, so I've had to take alcohol completely out of my life. [For now.] One day, I'd love to be off of Xanax and only take it occasionally for sleep like I used to. Then I could have a few beers at scary events.

Maybe you could only go for a half hour to an hour and at least make an appearance. People don't really pay attention to how long you stay or what you do or what you say, they only really remember if you were there or not. Find a quiet spot somewhere at the hall/banquet center. There's always one, if you look for it...you will find it. Usually it's a huge, empty room that has no event going on at the time - right next door. Keep taking little breaks and head off to your quiet spot when you feel nervous or find it difficult to find others to talk to. You'd be surprised how long you can hide out in the quiet room and nobody will even look for you or notice you're missing.

And make sure you have a getaway car, and by that, I mean your own car, or at least a cab - so you can take off whenever you want and you won't need to depend on someone else to drive you home. That's a huge mistake. Because no matter how much they promise you they'll "only stay for a little while"... they always end up staying a lot longer. People get crazy at weddings and start having too much fun and for some reason refuse to want to go home. I've never understood this. Just show up in time for dinner, make yourself a plate and eat only a little because we all know how uncomfortable it is to eat in front of people, esp. at weddings, and remember to bring a small baggie or tupperware product and fill it with all the food you didn't eat so you can enjoy it when you get home while watching your favorite movie. That will be your reward for attending the wedding.
Hey, that's what I do. Good Luck. I feel for ya. Just get it over with and then you can forget about it like it was all a bad dream.

I am so sorry to hear that you opted out of attending the event. I think facing a situation when you are mentally brave enough to do so and being with someone beside you can help a lot.

Besides it would be better to start with a smaller crowd first just to see how it goes than jumping into a huge one.

When you do get free time you could visit say a public library were you don't have to speak with anyone and yet be among lots of strangers. Slowly you can brave being at a public park or a children's playground.

Such things add up and give you confidence to be own your own among strangers.